The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Sample Response
The figures illustrate the number of male and female students who attended four different evening courses at an adult education institution in 2009, and the proportions of attendeesproportions of the attendances by age groupbased on age.
It is clear that there were more women than men in the drama, painting and languages classes, while in the sculpture class, male participantssculpture class men participants outnumbered the women. It can also be seen that the majority of the students were the people aged 50 or oversenior people (aged 50 years and above), while the smallest group was those aged under 20the lowest was those whose aged below 20 years. In the language class,It is noticed that in the language class, the number of female students reached 40had reached 40 people, which was twice as many as the number of mentwice as the population of the males. In the painting and drama class, the numbers of male studentspopulations of men’s students were around 25 and 10 respectivelywere accounted for around 25 and 10 people, which were lower than the women’s figure which stood at 30 and 20 people. As for the sculpture class, the number of malemen participants reached 10 people, while the women’s figure was half the men’s figurewas halved of the men’s.
Based on the age group, it is obvious that the highest proportion of the participants were the senior age people, accounted for approximately 42%. It was then followed by the figures of two middle age group (40-49 years and 30-39 years old) which stood at 26% and 16%. As for those who were between 20 and 29 years and below 20 years, their proportions were around 11% and 5% each respectively.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response successfully covers both visuals, identifies the main gender and age patterns, and organises the details into sensible sections. Its main limitation is that frequent unnatural noun phrases, agreement problems, and long sentences reduce precision even though the data remains clear. Prioritise reporting the course figures in a consistent order while using concise forms such as participants, women, men, and people in the oldest age group.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers both visuals and identifies the main trends accurately: women outnumber men in most courses except sculpture, languages has the highest female attendance, and people aged 50 or over form the largest age group. Most figures are correct.
Add the exact course figures in a cleaner order and avoid vague phrases such as the lowest was those.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organisation is effective, with one paragraph for gender/course patterns and one for age groups. Some sentences are long and could be streamlined.
Keep the overview separate, then report course numbers in descending order of total attendance.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient but sometimes unnatural: attendances, population of the males, senior age people and men participants.
Use participants, attendees, men, women, aged 50 or over and the under-20 group.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors occur in agreement, articles and comparative phrases, but the data remains clear.
Check noun phrases after number of, proportion of and twice as many as.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.