The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart describes the data about families' weekly expenditure patternsfamilies weekly expenditure prospects in 1968 and in 2018.
The most significant proportion of expenditurespent rate is on food with a 35% ratio in the year 1968. Housing and clothing come next accounting for roughlywith the same prospect of 10% of the weekly income. Expenditure on leisure, transport, personal goods and household goods accounted for almost the same percentageare almost same percentage, the former one is slightly more. Lastly, spent rates on fuel and powerfuel and the others are recorded the least with a 6% in the year of 1968.
Turning to 2018, food expenditure of families droppedhad dropped dramatically to a percentage between 15 to 20. On the other hand, housing spendingspent had risenrised significantly with an almost 20% slightly more than food expenditures. The most crucial rise was recorded on spending on leisureleisure spent rates. It had soared aboutabut 10% in 50 years. Transportation expenditureexpeditures camecomes after and was followedfollowed by Household goods and the otherothe categories respectivelyrespetively. Last three had remained the least just as in 1968 which is fuel and power, clothing and footware and personal goods.
Overall, weekly expenditure averages of families had dramatically changed over 50 years. Some spent rates had remained the same whereas some of the alterations are quite noticeablenoticable.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay successfully covers the main trends and provides relevant data from both years, accompanied by a clear overview. However, performance is limited by persistent grammatical errors, including inappropriate past perfect verb tenses and faulty sentence structures. To improve, focus on mastering simple past tense comparisons and refining vocabulary related to data description.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main key features and trends between 1968 and 2018 are highlighted and supported with data, accompanied by an overall summary.
Make the overview more informative by highlighting specific contrasting trends, such as the major rise in leisure spending alongside the sharp decline in food expenditure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized by year, allowing the reader to follow the main points despite some repetitive transitions.
Enhance paragraph links by using clearer comparative transitional phrases when shifting from 1968 data to 2018 data.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate to describe the basic trends, but word choice errors and spelling slips occur frequently.
Replace inaccurate word choices like 'expenditure prospects' and 'spent rate' with correct collocations such as 'spending proportions' or 'expenditure shares'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical errors in verb tense and phrase structure impede accuracy.
Practice using simple past tense forms consistently for completed historical years rather than overusing the past perfect tense.