The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
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Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the weeklyillustrates weekly expenditure of families living in a particular country in two years, 1968 and 2018.
Overall, households showed remarkable differences in the amount of money paid for various sectors in those two years. Noticeably, in 1968, food occupied the largest proportion of family weekly spending, while 5040 years later, leisure ranked in first place.
Regarding categories with upward trendsOn the one hand, families were prone to pay more for housing, transportation, and leisure. In 1968, figures for those three sectors were roughly 10%, 8%, and 9% respectively. However, the percentage for both housing and transportation doubled, and a drastic growth of approximately 15% can be seen in leisure in 2018.
In contrastOn the other hand, less incomecapital was spent on the rest except household goods, which plateaued at about 8% during the 5040-year period. In 1968, food accounted for 35% of family weekly cost, while that figure nearly halved in 2018. Personal goods and clothing and footwear demonstrated similar patterns; their sharesPersonal goods and clothing and footwear demonstrated similar patterns, which plummeted from 8% to 4%, and from 10% to 5% respectively. Compared with them, fuel and power declined slightly, which was 6% in 1968 and witnessed a drop of only 2% in 2018, and made up the least part of family weekly spending in both years.
Why this response received Band 8.0
文章准确囊括了图表的核心趋势与具体细节,并提供了清晰的总体概述,对比分析非常客观到位。主要的不足在于时间跨度计算错误,将50年误写为40年,且个别动态动词(如plateaued)用于对比两个离散年份时不够精准。优先改进的方向是加强对图表基本信息(如年份差)的核对,并确保趋势词汇符合两点对比的语境。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章成功筛选了主要特征并做出了清晰有效的对比,同时包含了完整的总体概述,但误将1968至2018年的50年时间跨度算成了40年。
在写作和检查时需仔细核对图表的基本时间信息,避免因简单的计算失误影响数据描述的精准度。
连贯与衔接
全文结构清晰,按照上升与下降的类别合理分段,衔接词使用自然,信息推进十分顺畅。
可以进一步优化段落开头的过渡逻辑,使“增加”与“减少”两类数据的对比衔接显得更加地道。
词汇资源
展现了丰富的词汇量和良好的改写能力,能够灵活运用多种表达比例与增减趋势的词汇。
注意区分时间序列动词与两点对比词汇,避免将仅有两点数据的“保持稳定”误用为表示连续平稳的 plateaued。
语法多样性与准确性
语法结构丰富多样,巧妙运用了分词短语、比较结构和复合句,且全篇几乎没有明显的语法语法错误。
继续保持高水平的语法准确度与句式多样性,可适当增加高级倒装或复合对比句式以提升表达丰富度。