The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart presents information about the distribution of families' weekly spending in one country in 1968 and 2018.
Overall, the proportion of families' weekly spending changed dramatically. The spending of Food accounted for the largest sharetook the most share of families' weekly spending in 1968 while Deletethe the spending of leisure became the largest part of families' weekly income in 2018. Fuel and power was always the smallest expenditureconsume for families in both yearsduring across two different years.
The spending of food experienced the most significant change between 1968 and 2018. The proportion of money spentspending on food reached over one-third in 1968 before falling to approximately 17% in 2018. The figures of other expenditure categories rangedother consume fields varied between 5% and 10% in 1968. HousingHouseing and clothing and footwear took the second largest proportion of weekly spending, reaching about 10%, while income spending on fuel and power only took approximately 7%.
Leisure became the largesthugest part of families' consumptionconsume in 2018, taking a share of around 22%taking share of around 23% of families' weekly spending. Food, housing, and transport accounted for roughly 17%, 19%, and 14%approximately 16%, 19%, and 14% of families' weekly spending respectively. The spending share of other consume fields ranged between 4% and 9%fluctuated between 4% and 7%.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively identifies key shifts in household expenditure between 1968 and 2018 and provides a clear overview of the main trends. However, inaccurate word choices such as using 'consume' as a noun and describing static category differences as 'fluctuated' reduce the overall precision. To improve, focus on using accurate economic terminology and ensuring precise comparison vocabulary when describing chart data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and major data points are clearly presented, though minor inaccuracies exist regarding the smallest spending categories.
Verify that summary statements about overall highest and lowest categories hold true across all presented data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into chronological body paragraphs with a distinct overview paragraph.
Use clearer linking phrases instead of redundant temporal expressions to refine paragraph transitions.
Lexical Resource
A fair range of vocabulary is attempted, but inappropriate word forms and imprecise usage of trend terms recur.
Replace incorrect word forms such as 'consume' with correct nouns like 'consumption' or 'expenditure', and avoid using 'fluctuated' for separate categories.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are sufficiently varied to convey meaning, but errors in preposition choice, articles, and phrasing occur frequently.
Practice noun phrases and prepositional combinations used for reporting statistics, such as 'spending on' and 'a proportion of'.