The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Sample Response
This bar graph shows the number of prisoners in five different countries such as Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, United States, Canada for the period 1930 to 1980 in numbers.
Overall, Canada’s retention period is high in starting years and least for Great Britain. After some years, the trend has changed that United increased significantly and Australia has decreased slightly.
In the year 1930, Canada has the highest that is 120 thousand prisoners, whereas has great Britain country has less crime rate with fewer prisoners that are almost 20 thousand prisoners. The two countries count is almost the same with 100 thousand prisoners whereas Australia had 60 thousand prisoners. For the period 1940 to 1970, there are several changes and the crime rate is increased in some countries and decreased in some countries.
The country united states rose to above 120 thousand prisoners in the 1940 but later decreased gradually to almost 100 thousand and after minimal up and downs the number is decreased to below 100 thousand, whereas Canada in decreased gradually initially and dropped to 80 thousand prisoners in the year 1970. The remaining countries are almost equal with 60 thousand prisoners at the end of 1970.
Moreover, In the year 1980, there were large changes in almost all countries. The country United states rocketed to almost 140 thousand whereas the great Britain new Zealand and cand increased minimally and were almost same with 80 thousand prisoners Whereas the country Australia leapt to almost 40 thousand prisoners.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Introduce the full list Original: such as Suggested revision: namely Why it matters: The sentence names all five countries, so an exhaustive-list expression is required.
- 2. Use the correct measure Original: retention period Suggested revision: prisoner total Why it matters: The graph measures numbers of prisoners, not how long people were retained.
- 3. Fix the time phrase Original: in starting years Suggested revision: at the beginning of the period Why it matters: This is the natural prepositional phrase for the initial years.
- 4. Complete the country name Original: United increased significantly Suggested revision: the United States increased significantly Why it matters: “United” alone is not the country name and needs the definite article.
- 5. Use consistent past tense Original: Australia has decreased slightly Suggested revision: Australia decreased slightly Why it matters: The completed historical period calls for the simple past.
- 6. Use past tense Original: are Suggested revision: were Why it matters: The report describes changes in a completed past period.
- 7. Report the measured quantity Original: the crime rate is increased Suggested revision: prisoner numbers increased Why it matters: The graph shows prisoner counts and does not provide crime-rate data.
- 8. Correct the country name Original: The country united states rose Suggested revision: The United States rose Why it matters: The country name needs capitalization and does not take “country” before it.
- 9. Remove the article Original: in the 1940 Suggested revision: in 1940 Why it matters: A specific year is used without “the.”
- 10. Use the fixed phrase Original: minimal up and downs Suggested revision: minor ups and downs Why it matters: “Ups and downs” requires the plural form and naturally pairs with “minor.”
- 11. Use active past tense Original: the number is decreased Suggested revision: the number decreased Why it matters: The graph describes the number itself falling, so the passive form is incorrect.
- 12. Remove the extra word Original: Canada in decreased Suggested revision: Canada decreased Why it matters: The preposition “in” makes the clause ungrammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- such as namely
- retention period prisoner total
- in starting years at the beginning of the period
- United increased significantly the United States increased significantly
- Australia has decreased slightly Australia decreased slightly
- are were
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several broad movements and uses separate paragraphs to move through the decades, so the main message is generally understandable. However, the overview is incomplete and a number of figures or trends are inaccurate, especially the 1970 values and Australia’s fall in 1980; the priority is to verify each series against the chart and summarise the clearest overall changes before adding detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and some correct figures are given, but important trends are omitted and several values or directions are inaccurate.
Highlight the United States’ overall rise and Great Britain’s growth, then correct the 1970 cluster at about 70 thousand and Australia’s fall to 50 thousand in 1980.
Coherence and Cohesion
Chronological paragraphing gives a recognisable progression, although long sentences and loosely connected comparisons make some passages hard to follow.
Separate each country comparison into controlled sentences and use referencing consistently instead of repeatedly restarting with ‘the country’.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary for trends and comparison, but frequent imprecise collocations, spelling errors, and inappropriate terms reduce clarity.
Use accurate chart language such as ‘prisoner population’, ‘fell’, and ‘fluctuated’, and avoid unsupported expressions like ‘crime rate’ or ‘retention period’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent agreement, article, word-order, capitalization, and clause-control errors often disrupt reading.
Prioritise complete subject-verb structures and clear sentence boundaries, especially in clauses beginning with ‘whereas’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.