The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
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Sample Response
AccordingAcoorging to the graph, the number of men and women in further education in Britain shows the following pattern.
In the case of malesmale, the number of malesmale has declined slightly from about 1,000,0001000 thousands in 1970/71 to about 850 thousands in 1990/91. However, the figure rose back to about 850 thousand in 1990/91 from about 820 thousand850 thousands in 1990/91 from about 820 thousands in 1980/81. The number of full-time male students increasedproportion of full-time education has declined during this period. However, the number in part-time education fluctuatedproportion of part-time education has increased dramatically.
On the other hand, in the case of females, the number of female students in both full-time and part-time educationnumber of both full-time education and part-time education has increased during the period.
From about 700 thousandthousands in 1970/71, these figures rose to about 820 thousands in 1980/81, to about 1,100 thousand1100 thousands in 1990/91.
In terms of full-time education, the figure rose from around 100 thousand to nearly 300 thousandroseby about 760 to about 900 in 1990/91.
On the otherther hand, with respect to part-time education, this figure rose dramatically between 1970/71 and 1980/81between 1980/81 and 1970/71. However this figurefugure rose slightly between 1980/81 and 1990/91
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response attempts to describe the main trends across the period, but it misinterprets key data categories by confusing part-time and full-time study numbers and lacks a clear summary overview. Cohesion is disrupted by repetitive paragraph structures and fragmented sentence layout, alongside frequent spelling and numerical errors. Focusing on accurate data extraction and structuring clear comparisons with an overall trend summary will yield the greatest improvement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies some visual trends but misinterprets the key for part-time and full-time education while lacking a clear, overall summary statement.
Include an overall overview highlighting key trends and double-check data values and chart keys before reporting figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is divided into short, repetitive paragraphs with mechanical linking phrases that interrupt logical flow.
Group related details logically into well-developed paragraphs using a wider variety of cohesive devices.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary control is limited by noticeable spelling mistakes and inappropriate word choices for numerical scales.
Review spelling of common reporting words and practice using precise vocabulary for statistical descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are predominantly simple, with frequent errors in numerical phrasing and sentence construction.
Incorporate complex sentences combining multiple data points accurately using appropriate prepositions and comparative structures.