The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
Sample Response
A glance at the graphs provided reveals the number of female students per 100 male students across three levels of educationstudents in three different education levels in both developing and developed countriesboth in poor countries and affluent countries in 1990 and 2000 and the target of 100 girls per 100 boysits target in 2005. Overall, it is evident that the number of female studentsfemale students’ number in developed countries was higher than in developing countriesaffluent countries was higher than the poor one. First of all, in primary education in developing countrieselementary school of poor countries, there was a slight increase of girls per 100 boysfemale students number from 83 pupils in 1990 to 87 pupils in 19982000, while female pupils in developed countries rose slowlyaffluent one rose slowly to 96 girls per 100 boyssomewhere in the vicinity of 96 pupils in 2000. The target, furthermore, would be 100 pupils in 2005. In addition, in secondary educationjunior high school, developing countries recordedthe poor experienced a considerable increase of 10 girls per 100 boysgrowth around 10 pupils over this period of time. Developed countriesThe affluent one, meanwhile, rose slightly from 98 to 99 girls per 100 boyslevelled off almost 100 female pupils. TheWhereas, the target was thealways same in three different education levels. In senior high school, moreover, from a negligible 66 students in 1990, the number of female students in poor countries saw a rapid climb approximately 75 students in 2000. In affluent countries, whereas, it increased significantly more than its target around 105 and 112 students in 1990 and 2000 respectively.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all three education levels and reproduces most numerical values accurately, with a basic overview that developed countries enrolled more girls. Its principal weakness is systematic time-frame inaccuracy: the second year is 1998, not 2000, and the chart shows a target of 100 rather than a 2005 forecast. Check labels before drafting, then organise the findings into clear paragraphs and replace fragmentary linking with complete comparative sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most groups and figures are covered with an overview, but the years are repeatedly misreported and the target is treated as a 2005 forecast.
State the periods as 1990 and 1998 and describe the horizontal target correctly as 100 girls per 100 boys.
Coherence and Cohesion
The primary-to-secondary-to-tertiary sequence is understandable, but the single dense paragraph and misused linking words make progression mechanical.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs and connect comparisons with complete sentences rather than fragments beginning with "Whereas".
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of trend language, though several collocations such as "the poor one" and "female students' number" are unnatural.
Use precise group labels and standard phrases such as "developing countries" and "the number of girls enrolled" consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent article, agreement, preposition and sentence-fragment errors reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete main clause and correct forms such as "the same," "rose to" and plural group references.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.