The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
Sample Response
A glance at the graphs provided reveals the number of female students per 100 male students in three different education levels both in poor countries and affluent countries in 1990 and 2000 and its target in 2005. Overall, it is evident that female students’ number in affluent countries was higher than the poor one. First of all, in elementary school of poor countries, there was a slight increase of female students number from 83 pupils in 1990 to 87 pupils in 2000, while female pupils in affluent one rose slowly to somewhere in the vicinity of 96 pupils in 2000. The target, furthermore, would be 100 pupils in 2005. In addition, in junior high school, the poor experienced a considerable growth around 10 pupils over this period of time. The affluent one, meanwhile, levelled off almost 100 female pupils. Whereas, the target was always same in three different education levels. In senior high school, moreover, from a negligible 66 students in 1990, the number of female students in poor countries saw a rapid climb approximately 75 students in 2000. In affluent countries, whereas, it increased significantly more than its target around 105 and 112 students in 1990 and 2000 respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: students in three different education levels Suggested revision: students across three levels of education Why it matters: The replacement is the standard way to describe the chart's educational categories.
- 2. Use chart labels Original: both in poor countries and affluent countries Suggested revision: in both developing and developed countries Why it matters: Developing and developed countries are the category labels shown in the chart.
- 3. Describe target accurately Original: its target in 2005 Suggested revision: the target of 100 girls per 100 boys Why it matters: The visual shows a target line at 100 rather than a separate data series belonging to the chart.
- 4. Fix noun phrase Original: female students’ number Suggested revision: the number of female students Why it matters: English uses the of-phrase rather than this possessive construction for a count.
- 5. Fix comparison grammar Original: affluent countries was higher than the poor one Suggested revision: developed countries was higher than in developing countries Why it matters: The replacement compares corresponding figures and agrees with the singular head noun number.
- 6. Use correct category Original: elementary school of poor countries Suggested revision: primary education in developing countries Why it matters: The chart labels this category as primary education in developing countries.
- 7. Name ratio precisely Original: female students number Suggested revision: girls per 100 boys Why it matters: The chart presents a ratio rather than a simple number of female students.
- 8. Correct primary year Original: 2000 Suggested revision: 1998 Why it matters: The red bars represent 1998.
- 9. Name country group Original: affluent one rose slowly Suggested revision: developed countries rose slowly Why it matters: The chart compares country groups, so one is an inaccurate substitute.
- 10. Report exact figure Original: somewhere in the vicinity of 96 pupils Suggested revision: 96 girls per 100 boys Why it matters: The primary-education value for developed countries in 1998 is shown exactly as 96.
- 11. Use secondary category Original: junior high school Suggested revision: secondary education Why it matters: The middle category is secondary education, not specifically junior high school.
- 12. Name group precisely Original: the poor experienced Suggested revision: developing countries recorded Why it matters: A country group records a figure; the poor does not accurately name the category.
Suggested Rewrites
- students in three different education levels students across three levels of education
- both in poor countries and affluent countries in both developing and developed countries
- its target in 2005 the target of 100 girls per 100 boys
- female students’ number the number of female students
- affluent countries was higher than the poor one developed countries was higher than in developing countries
- elementary school of poor countries primary education in developing countries
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all three education levels and reproduces most numerical values accurately, with a basic overview that developed countries enrolled more girls. Its principal weakness is systematic time-frame inaccuracy: the second year is 1998, not 2000, and the chart shows a target of 100 rather than a 2005 forecast. Check labels before drafting, then organise the findings into clear paragraphs and replace fragmentary linking with complete comparative sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most groups and figures are covered with an overview, but the years are repeatedly misreported and the target is treated as a 2005 forecast.
State the periods as 1990 and 1998 and describe the horizontal target correctly as 100 girls per 100 boys.
Coherence and Cohesion
The primary-to-secondary-to-tertiary sequence is understandable, but the single dense paragraph and misused linking words make progression mechanical.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs and connect comparisons with complete sentences rather than fragments beginning with "Whereas".
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of trend language, though several collocations such as "the poor one" and "female students' number" are unnatural.
Use precise group labels and standard phrases such as "developing countries" and "the number of girls enrolled" consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent article, agreement, preposition and sentence-fragment errors reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete main clause and correct forms such as "the same," "rose to" and plural group references.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.