The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
Sample Response
The map compares Grange Park in 1920 with the current time. Several features have moved, but a main change is the development of an amphitheatre, a water feature and the removal of the fountain. Looking at accessibility, the park kept it’s two original entrances on Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street that have been there since its opening in 1920, but on today’s map we see they have added underground parking for cars off of Eldon Street as well. In 1920 they chose to have seating placed all around the edge of the park, while the updated map shows that seating has now been concentrated around the central park feature. The same is true of the multiple rose gardens that the park originally featured which have now been concentrated into one central rose garden, with only one left in its original location. They kept an entertainment area in the same location in the west of the park, though it has been upgraded from a stage to a full amphitheatre. The park's water attraction, formerly a pond with water plants in the north-east corner, has moved and is now a water feature where the glasshouse once stood. While today’s park no longer features the central fountain, it does now include a cafe and children’s play area for visitors to enjoy, along with plenty of open space around the features..
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe the layout naturally Original: with the current time Suggested revision: with its current layout Why it matters: Current layout is a more natural way to refer to the present-day plan.
- 2. Fix tense and possessive Original: the park kept it’s two original entrances Suggested revision: the park has retained its two original entrances Why it matters: The replacement uses the correct possessive form and a tense that connects 1920 to today.
- 3. Use objective map language Original: but on today’s map we see they have added Suggested revision: while the current park also has Why it matters: The replacement removes personal reference and reports the present layout directly.
- 4. Use concise passive form Original: In 1920 they chose to have seating placed Suggested revision: In 1920, seating was placed Why it matters: The passive form focuses appropriately on the park layout rather than an unspecified they.
- 5. Name the feature precisely Original: central park feature Suggested revision: central rose garden Why it matters: The seats in the current plan specifically surround the central rose garden.
- 6. Avoid an unclear subject Original: They kept an entertainment area Suggested revision: An entertainment area remains Why it matters: The replacement removes the vague pronoun and keeps the comparison focused on the feature.
- 7. Remove extra full stop Original: features.. Suggested revision: features. Why it matters: The sentence should end with a single full stop.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Several features have moved, but a main change is the development of an amphitheatre, a water feature and the removal of the fountain. Suggested revision: Several features have moved, while the main changes are the addition of an amphitheatre and a water feature and the removal of the fountain. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty parallel structure between development and removal.
- 9. Broaden the overview Suggested revision: Broaden the overview to contrast the retained entrances and rose garden with the new facilities and underground parking. Why it matters: The overview identifies several changes but does not capture the main balance between retained and added features.
- 10. Organise the comparisons Suggested revision: Separate the overview from the detail and group the remaining comparisons by retained, relocated, and newly added features. Why it matters: A single long paragraph makes the otherwise logical comparisons harder to scan.
Suggested Rewrites
- with the current time with its current layout
- the park kept it’s two original entrances the park has retained its two original entrances
- but on today’s map we see they have added while the current park also has
- In 1920 they chose to have seating placed In 1920, seating was placed
- central park feature central rose garden
- They kept an entertainment area An entertainment area remains
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents an accurate and wide-ranging comparison, with a useful overview and clear coverage of the relocated, removed, and newly added park features. Its main limitation is organization: all details run together in one paragraph, and a few informal or imprecise expressions reduce polish. Prioritize grouping the description spatially or by type of change and refining small usage errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and detailed comparisons accurately cover the major changes, retained entrances, and new facilities shown on the plans.
Avoid unsupported generalizations such as 'plenty of open space' and describe the relationship between the old pond and new water feature more cautiously.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through access, seating, gardens, entertainment, and water features, but the single long paragraph limits clear grouping.
Divide the details into two body paragraphs organized by retained or relocated features and newly added or removed features.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise range for spatial change and redevelopment, with only occasional informal wording.
Replace conversational phrasing such as 'they have added' and 'off of' with concise, objective map-report language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparative structures are used with good control, though minor punctuation and possessive errors remain.
Correct 'it’s' to the possessive 'its,' remove the duplicated final full stop, and streamline a few long clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.