The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Sample Response
Energy from the Sun reaches the Earth as heat. Some of this heat energy is subsequently/then radiated into space, while some of it is trapped by greenhouse gases in the atmosphere and reflected back to Earth. This is a natural process, but in recent decades, human activities have led to an increase in the amounts of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere which is now trapping too much heat.
One of the main greenhouse gases is carbon dioxide, and extra quantities of this are released/have been released into the atmosphere as a result of burning fossil fuels as a source of energy in power stations, factories and homes. Exhaust gases from cars and lorries result in/have resulted in further emissions of carbon dioxide.
Plants serve to remove some of the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere by absorbing it through their leaves. However, as large areas of forest are felled/are being felled/have been felled in the Amazon and elsewhere, less carbon dioxide is removed in this way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose one transition Original: subsequently/then Suggested revision: subsequently Why it matters: A finished response must select one wording rather than retain alternatives separated by a slash.
- 2. Fix relative-clause agreement Original: which is now trapping too much heat Suggested revision: which now trap too much heat Why it matters: The relative clause refers to the plural noun greenhouse gases.
- 3. Choose one verb form Original: are released/have been released Suggested revision: are released Why it matters: Only one complete verb form should appear in the final sentence.
- 4. Choose one tense Original: result in/have resulted in Suggested revision: result in Why it matters: The simple present consistently describes the process shown.
- 5. Choose one verb form Original: are felled/are being felled/have been felled Suggested revision: are being felled Why it matters: The response must select a single grammatical form rather than list alternatives.
- 6. Clarify energy conversion Original: reaches the Earth as heat Suggested revision: reaches Earth and is converted into heat Why it matters: The visual indicates that incoming solar energy becomes heat at Earth's surface.
- 7. Remove redundant wording Original: this heat energy Suggested revision: this heat Why it matters: Heat already denotes a form of energy, so the shorter phrase is more concise.
- 8. Describe trapped heat accurately Original: reflected back to Earth Suggested revision: redirected towards Earth Why it matters: The downward arrow represents heat retained by greenhouse gases rather than a labelled reflection process.
- 9. Remove unsupported timeframe Original: but in recent decades, Suggested revision: but Why it matters: The diagram does not specify when the human-driven increase began.
- 10. Use precise scientific noun Original: the amounts of greenhouse gases Suggested revision: greenhouse-gas concentrations Why it matters: Concentrations more precisely describes the increased atmospheric presence of the gases.
- 11. Replace vague reference Original: extra quantities of this Suggested revision: additional carbon dioxide Why it matters: Naming the gas directly is clearer than the pronoun this.
- 12. Remove repetitive phrasing Original: as a result of burning fossil fuels as a source of energy Suggested revision: through burning fossil fuels Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the cause without repeating as.
Suggested Rewrites
- subsequently/then subsequently
- which is now trapping too much heat which now trap too much heat
- are released/have been released are released
- result in/have resulted in result in
- are felled/are being felled/have been felled are being felled
- reaches the Earth as heat reaches Earth and is converted into heat
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, logically ordered account of the central greenhouse process and accurately connects fossil-fuel emissions and deforestation to increased atmospheric carbon dioxide. Its main weakness is the inclusion of several details not shown in the diagram, alongside visible slash-separated drafting alternatives that make the answer look unfinished. Keep every detail tied to the visual and choose one final grammatical form before submission.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main energy cycle, added carbon dioxide from fossil fuels, and reduced absorption after tree felling are all described clearly, though some specific settings and locations are not shown in the diagram.
Restrict the description to visible features and explicitly distinguish energy reflected by the atmosphere from heat radiated back into space.
Coherence and Cohesion
The explanation progresses logically from the natural heat cycle to emissions and then deforestation, with clear paragraph-level organization.
Remove slash-separated alternatives so each sentence presents one settled, smoothly connected version.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, including appropriate terms such as 'radiated,' 'trapped,' 'emissions,' and 'absorbing.'
Choose one exact expression wherever alternatives are shown and avoid adding overly specific wording that the visual does not support.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, although the slash alternatives and the agreement in 'amounts ... which is' interrupt accuracy.
Proofread for agreement across relative clauses and select a single tense or connector instead of leaving alternatives in the final response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.