The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Sample Response
The diagram explains the effect of greenhouse gases trapped by sun rays, doing more harm than good.
Overall, the origin of energy is from the Sun, where the greenhouse receives its heat. The heat is not absorbed fully on the earth’s surface, but half of it doesn’t even pass through the atmosphere barrier. Likewise, some of the energy is reflected back to the space after reaching the plane. Some of the co2 which are not generated from greenhouse but are from factories, automobiles which, when combined together, are harming the flora on the planet.
First of all, Sun provides a greenhouse with heat energy former later used by the plants to germinate and produce flowers and fruits, which in return produce carbon dioxide. In comparison, when we don’t use a greenhouse, there will be no confined heat, and all the heat which came on earth’s surface would have radiated back into space.
Secondly, covered man-made machines are also giving rise to pollution, which eventually harms the greenery around us and pollutes the atmosphere even further.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct structure Original: origin of energy is from the Sun Suggested revision: energy originates from the Sun Why it matters: The replacement expresses the source relationship with a correct, concise verb structure.
- 2. Correct the recipient Original: where the greenhouse receives its heat Suggested revision: which supplies heat to the Earth Why it matters: The diagram shows solar energy reaching Earth and does not depict a greenhouse structure.
- 3. Fix word order Original: absorbed fully on Suggested revision: fully absorbed by Why it matters: The adverb and preposition need this order to describe absorption correctly.
- 4. Capitalize proper noun Original: earth’s Suggested revision: Earth’s Why it matters: Earth is a proper noun in this geographical reference.
- 5. Remove unsupported proportion Original: but half of it doesn’t even pass through the atmosphere barrier Suggested revision: while some is reflected by the atmosphere Why it matters: The diagram shows reflection by the atmosphere but gives no one-half proportion or barrier.
- 6. Fix preposition Original: to the space Suggested revision: into space Why it matters: The uncountable noun 'space' takes no article in this expression.
- 7. Use correct noun Original: plane Suggested revision: planet Why it matters: The intended reference is Earth as a planet, not a plane.
- 8. Signal contrast clearly Original: In comparison Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence presents a hypothetical contrast rather than a direct comparison of two measured items.
- 9. Name the gases Original: when we don’t use a greenhouse Suggested revision: without greenhouse gases Why it matters: The process concerns atmospheric gases rather than the use of a greenhouse building.
- 10. Match conditional form Original: will Suggested revision: would Why it matters: The hypothetical condition requires 'would' rather than 'will'.
- 11. Use diagram term Original: confined Suggested revision: trapped Why it matters: 'Trapped heat' accurately names the effect shown in the diagram.
- 12. Use precise relative clause Original: all the heat which came Suggested revision: all the heat that reached Why it matters: 'Reached' correctly describes energy arriving at the surface and fits the relative clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- origin of energy is from the Sun energy originates from the Sun
- where the greenhouse receives its heat which supplies heat to the Earth
- absorbed fully on fully absorbed by
- earth’s Earth’s
- but half of it doesn’t even pass through the atmosphere barrier while some is reflected by the atmosphere
- to the space into space
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response identifies sunlight, reflected energy, carbon dioxide from vehicles and factories, and some trapped heat, giving it a partial connection to the diagram. Its main explanation is nevertheless seriously distorted by treating the subject as a physical greenhouse, inventing proportions, and misrepresenting plants and emissions. The priority is to explain the actual causal cycle accurately, including fossil-fuel emissions and reduced carbon-dioxide absorption after tree felling.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Only some visual elements are recognised, while major features are omitted or seriously misinterpreted and several unsupported claims are introduced.
Describe solar energy, reflected and radiated heat, greenhouse-gas trapping, fossil-fuel emissions, and tree loss exactly as shown.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and sequencing are present, but the progression is weakened by disconnected claims and an unclear comparison with using a greenhouse.
Organise the report around the diagram's linked causes and effects rather than adding a separate hypothetical comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant environmental vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate or awkward choices obscure the intended process.
Use precise terms such as atmosphere, fossil fuels, carbon-dioxide absorption, heat radiation, and greenhouse gases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts complex sentences, but frequent agreement, article, reference, and sentence-structure problems disrupt clarity.
Build shorter complete clauses and check subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference before combining ideas.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.