The maps below show the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and 2012.
Sample Response
The two maps show the radical changes that Happy Valley Shopping Center underwent during the period between 1982 and 2012. Overall, it is clear that the redevelopment resulted in expansion of the shopping mall and rearrangement of its in-house facilities.
By 2012, the indoor shopping area spread to the west, and the outdoor lake was replaced by a furniture retailer. Additionally, considerable changes were made to the north-west part where a coffee shop was removed and an adjacent food store was relocated to the south-east corner of the mall. Two stores selling sports and electronic goods took over their previous locations along the northern wall. A linear array of themed restaurants moved in along the eastern wall of the shopping centre, replacing sports and electronics shops. On the western side, the lobby area at the main entrance was removed to allow for a bigger central entertainment area.
Yet another alteration was made outside, where a path leading to the main entrance of the mall was removed and instead a spacious car park was built. The entrance, however, was kept in the same location and the lines of trees surrounding the shopping centre remained largely unchanged where possible.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: resulted in expansion of Suggested revision: resulted in the expansion of Why it matters: The definite article is required before the specified expansion.
- 2. Use map vocabulary Original: in-house facilities Suggested revision: internal facilities Why it matters: Internal is a more natural formal description of facilities within a shopping centre.
- 3. Name the stores Original: Two stores selling sports and electronic goods Suggested revision: A sports shop and an electronics store Why it matters: The labels on the map identify two different types of store.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: their previous locations Suggested revision: the former coffee-shop and food-store locations Why it matters: The explicit reference makes the change of use easier to verify against the maps.
- 5. Describe the addition Original: A linear array of themed restaurants moved in Suggested revision: A row of themed restaurants was added Why it matters: The revision is concise and avoids implying that the restaurants moved from a shown location.
- 6. Clarify the relocation Original: replacing sports and electronics shops Suggested revision: occupying space previously used by the sports, electronics and furniture stores Why it matters: The electronics store still appears in 2012, so the original wording can imply that it disappeared.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: lines Suggested revision: rows Why it matters: Rows of trees is the conventional expression for this arrangement.
- 8. Remove vague qualifier Original: where possible Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The maps support a direct comparison, while this qualifier adds uncertainty without identifying an exception.
- 9. Strengthen the overview Suggested revision: Add the main external transformation: the lake and approach path gave way to parking, while the entrance stayed in place. Why it matters: The overview mentions expansion and internal rearrangement but omits the dominant outdoor change.
Suggested Rewrites
- resulted in expansion of resulted in the expansion of
- in-house facilities internal facilities
- Two stores selling sports and electronic goods A sports shop and an electronics store
- their previous locations the former coffee-shop and food-store locations
- A linear array of themed restaurants moved in A row of themed restaurants was added
- replacing sports and electronics shops occupying space previously used by the sports, electronics and furniture stores
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response's strongest aspect is its fluent, well-organized comparison of the mall's expansion and extensive internal and external redevelopment, using precise location language. Its main limitation is a small amount of overstatement, particularly the claims that the entertainment area became bigger and that the surrounding trees were largely unchanged. The highest-priority improvement is to distinguish visually certain changes from inferred ones and mention one or two clearly unchanged facilities.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately covers nearly all major changes, though a few details about size and tree preservation are not fully supported by the maps.
Avoid inferring an increase in the entertainment area's size and more precisely describe which trees remained or were removed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves coherently from the overview through internal redevelopment to exterior changes, with well-managed referencing and paragraphing.
Make the internal-versus-external organization even more explicit by introducing each detail paragraph with its comparative focus.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise vocabulary range conveys location, replacement, relocation, and expansion naturally, with strong collocational control.
Maintain this precision by using cautious wording whenever the map does not establish relative size or extent conclusively.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied, accurate, and flexibly controlled throughout, with only negligible lapses in an otherwise polished response.
Continue refining article use in compact abstract phrases such as “the expansion of the shopping mall” for maximum grammatical polish.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The maps below show the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and 2012.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.