The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014. Source: UNWTO
Sample Response
The bar chart outlines the top ten countries which made the highest travel expenditure in 2014 and it also compares how much these countries spent on travel in the same year. The data was collected from UNWTO. Overall, China stood at the top of the list with the highest spending while Taiwan proclaimed the tenth position. As the diagram suggests, China spent almost 110 billion US dollar in 2014 for travel while the US and Germany each with its nearly 85 billion spending attained at the second position in this list. The UK spent roughly 55 billion, less than half of China, for travel and the UK's spending for travel was more than double than that of Singapore. The travel spending by South Korea and Hong Kong was a tie and they each spend 20 billion USD in 2014. India's spending was just over 15 billion while Malaysia and Taiwan stood at the bottom two positions in the list with around 10-12 billion spending for the same.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: countries which made the highest travel expenditure Suggested revision: countries with the highest travel expenditure Why it matters: Countries have expenditure rather than make it.
- 2. Credit the source Original: The data was collected from UNWTO. Suggested revision: The data were provided by the UNWTO. Why it matters: This wording more precisely identifies the organisation as the chart's source.
- 3. Use ranking language Original: proclaimed the tenth position Suggested revision: ranked tenth Why it matters: Proclaimed does not describe a country's position in a ranking.
- 4. Use plural unit Original: 110 billion US dollar Suggested revision: 110 billion US dollars Why it matters: Dollar must be plural after this quantity.
- 5. Use correct preposition Original: in 2014 for travel Suggested revision: on travel in 2014 Why it matters: Expenditure is conventionally expressed as money spent on an activity.
- 6. Fix clause structure Original: each with its nearly 85 billion spending Suggested revision: each spent nearly 85 billion US dollars Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a finite verb and uses an unsuitable singular pronoun.
- 7. Describe joint rank Original: attained at the second position Suggested revision: jointly ranked second Why it matters: The chart shows the two countries sharing the second-highest figure.
- 8. Complete the comparison Original: less than half of China Suggested revision: less than half China's figure Why it matters: The comparison must refer to China's spending figure, not the country itself.
- 9. Fix comparative form Original: more than double than Suggested revision: more than double Why it matters: Double is not followed by than in this construction.
- 10. State the tie clearly Original: The travel spending by South Korea and Hong Kong was a tie Suggested revision: South Korea and Hong Kong were tied in travel spending Why it matters: The revision uses the standard expression for equal values.
- 11. Keep past tense Original: they each spend Suggested revision: they each spent Why it matters: The report consistently refers to spending in 2014, so the past tense is required.
- 12. Match chart precision Original: India's spending was just over 15 billion Suggested revision: India spent about 15 billion US dollars Why it matters: The bar is approximately 15 billion, so about is a safer description than just over.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries which made the highest travel expenditure countries with the highest travel expenditure
- The data was collected from UNWTO. The data were provided by the UNWTO.
- proclaimed the tenth position ranked tenth
- 110 billion US dollar 110 billion US dollars
- in 2014 for travel on travel in 2014
- each with its nearly 85 billion spending each spent nearly 85 billion US dollars
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately identifies the ranking pattern and reports nearly all values and comparisons clearly, with China highest and Taiwan lowest. Its main weakness is recurrent awkward phrasing and grammatical control, especially agreement, articles, prepositions, and comparative forms, while the one-paragraph structure makes the presentation feel dense. Prioritise precise collocations and error-free comparison sentences, then separate the overview from the detailed figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately reports the main ranking, values, and comparisons across all ten countries.
Sharpen the overview by grouping the leading, middle, and lowest spenders rather than only naming the two extremes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the highest spenders to the lowest, with comparisons linked clearly despite the single-paragraph presentation.
Separate the introduction and overview from the detailed comparisons to make the organisation easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of travel and comparison vocabulary is used, but several collocations such as proclaimed the tenth position and spending attained are unnatural.
Use conventional phrases such as ranked tenth, spent on travel, and jointly occupied second place.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but agreement, article, pronoun, preposition, and comparative errors recur throughout.
Proofread each comparison for subject-verb agreement and correct structures such as more than double rather than more than double than.