The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the importance, measured in percentages, that four ages groups place on five different factors when they move to a new home. It is immediately apparent that a low crime rate is the most important variable across all the age groups. Of all the factors, the desire for a low crime rate is by far the most important. Amongst the all the age groups this figure stands at around 80%, with the middle aged and elderly viewing it as slightly more important. Next, schools are seen as very important by a significant proportion of 25 to 44 year olds although the percentages drop markedly as people get older, with just under 25% of 55 to 64 year olds viewing this as important. Shopping facilities, being chosen by around 13%, are not viewed with such importance as schools and crime by the younger age groups. However, as people get older, this increases in importance to approximately 30%, and, as would be expected, is actually more important than schools to those over 55. Finally, although increasing in importance with age, neither parks nor public transport are viewed to be as important as the other factors by any of the groups.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra article Original: Amongst the all the age groups Suggested revision: Across all the age groups Why it matters: The article the cannot follow Amongst in this construction.
- 2. Use accurate group labels Original: middle aged and elderly Suggested revision: middle-aged and older groups Why it matters: Older groups describes the displayed ages more accurately, and middle-aged needs a hyphen before a noun.
- 3. Fix age expression Original: 25 to 44 year olds Suggested revision: people aged 25 to 44 Why it matters: This construction avoids the missing hyphens in the compound age label.
- 4. Name the factor Original: this increases in importance Suggested revision: shopping facilities increase in importance Why it matters: Naming the factor removes ambiguity from the pronoun reference.
- 5. Remove unsupported expectation Original: , and, as would be expected, Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The chart provides no basis for presenting this age pattern as expected.
- 6. Use displayed age range Original: those over 55 Suggested revision: 55- to 64-year-olds Why it matters: The chart's oldest group is limited to ages 55 to 64, not everyone over 55.
- 7. Fix neither agreement Original: are viewed to be as important as Suggested revision: is considered as important as Why it matters: With neither...nor and the nearest singular subject public transport, the verb should be singular.
- 8. Use graph term Original: variable Suggested revision: factor Why it matters: Factor matches the terminology used to describe the five categories in the task.
- 9. Remove nominalization Original: the desire for a low crime rate Suggested revision: a low crime rate Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 10. Use plural figures Original: this figure stands at around 80% Suggested revision: the figures stand at just over 80% Why it matters: The statement summarizes four separate percentages, all slightly above 80%.
- 11. Describe percentages precisely Original: viewing it as slightly more important Suggested revision: recording slightly higher percentages for it Why it matters: The graph compares percentages rather than degrees of importance within each response.
- 12. Avoid unsupported degree Original: schools are seen as very important Suggested revision: schools are considered important Why it matters: The graph shows the percentage selecting importance but does not identify a separate very important rating.
Suggested Rewrites
- Amongst the all the age groups Across all the age groups
- middle aged and elderly middle-aged and older groups
- 25 to 44 year olds people aged 25 to 44
- this increases in importance shopping facilities increase in importance
- , and, as would be expected, and
- those over 55 55- to 64-year-olds
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response identifies the dominant importance of low crime and accurately explains the contrasting age trends for schools, shopping, parks, and public transport. Its main limitation is some repetition in the overview and a few awkward grammatical forms, which slightly reduce precision and polish. Prioritize a more concise overview that also highlights the sharp decline in schools and the general rise of the other three amenities.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The dominant factor and the contrasting age-related trends are selected accurately and supported with appropriate figures.
Make the overview more complete by pairing the stable dominance of crime rate with the fall in schools and rises elsewhere.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves logically from the dominant factor through the remaining categories, although the overview repeats its central point.
Combine the repeated overview statements and group the declining and rising series in distinct detail paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of comparative language, though importance and related wording are repeated and occasionally awkward.
Use more natural alternatives such as priority and proportion while avoiding phrases like viewed with such importance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparative sentences are generally well controlled, with a few local noun-phrase and article errors.
Correct forms such as four age groups and among all the age groups, and check articles in complex sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.