The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates how the regular spending in 6 different faces in a country. Percentages wise in the year of 1950 and 2010.
Overall at the beginning of the period transportation and health care are the least. While housing was the most significant. In comparison, at the end of the period, food and housing became the largest, and health care and education’s lowest appearance was made.
The midpoint of expenses in housing was 2 half quarters in 1950 that was dramatically dropped by 22% in 2010. In 1950 the other and transport are in the slight made of (3.4 %and 4.4% respectively) and it rose to 19.2%and 14.0% in 2010.
In the year of 1950, the education was about less than a fifth that gradually went up to constant of 34.0%.In contrast, the education and health care are 6.6%and 2.4% they are having only a few of changes with less than one-tenth in 2010.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: Overall at Suggested revision: Overall, at Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory overview marker.
- 2. Name chart shares Original: are the least Suggested revision: accounted for the smallest shares Why it matters: Pie-chart categories are more precisely described as shares of expenditure.
- 3. Fix sentence fragment Original: While housing Suggested revision: Housing Why it matters: Removing While turns the fragment into a complete sentence.
- 4. Clarify final ranking Original: food and housing became the largest Suggested revision: food and housing were the largest categories Why it matters: In 2010 food was largest and housing second, while housing did not newly become a large category.
- 5. Fix possessive structure Original: health care and education’s lowest appearance was made Suggested revision: health care and education had the smallest shares Why it matters: The revision states the comparison in a clear grammatical clause.
- 6. Use chart terminology Original: midpoint of expenses Suggested revision: share of expenditure Why it matters: Share of expenditure accurately describes a pie-chart proportion.
- 7. Report exact scale Original: 2 half quarters Suggested revision: nearly three quarters Why it matters: Housing represented 72.1% in 1950, which is nearly three quarters.
- 8. Use active verb Original: that was dramatically dropped Suggested revision: and it dropped dramatically Why it matters: Drop is intransitive here and should not use the passive form.
- 9. Correct final value Original: by Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Housing fell to 22.0%, rather than falling by only 22 percentage points.
- 10. Correct category label Original: the education was Suggested revision: food was Why it matters: The category that rose to 34.0% was food, not education.
- 11. Use chart value Original: about less than a fifth Suggested revision: 11.2% Why it matters: The chart gives food's 1950 share as 11.2%.
- 12. Describe two values Original: that gradually went up to constant of Suggested revision: and rose to Why it matters: With only two years shown, the data support a rise but not a gradual progression or constant value.
Suggested Rewrites
- Overall at Overall, at
- are the least accounted for the smallest shares
- While housing Housing
- food and housing became the largest food and housing were the largest categories
- health care and education’s lowest appearance was made health care and education had the smallest shares
- midpoint of expenses share of expenditure
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response identifies the dominant categories in each year and includes several correct figures, so the broad direction of change is partly apparent. However, category labels and values are repeatedly confused, while frequent fragments and malformed phrases obscure comparisons. The highest priority is to verify each category against the chart, then express each change in complete, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview captures some major features, but housing's fall is misstated, other and transportation figures are confused, and education is incorrectly linked to 34.0%.
Create an accurate category-by-category comparison, stating that housing fell from 72.1% to 22.0% while food rose from 11.2% to 34.0%.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing is visible, but sentence fragments, unclear references, and contradictory category descriptions weaken progression.
Organise the details into one paragraph for the largest changes and one for the remaining categories, using explicit category names throughout.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant expenditure vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inappropriate expressions such as different faces, midpoint of expenses, and slight made impede precision.
Use a small set of accurate chart phrases, including accounted for, rose to, fell to, and remained broadly stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence formation, agreement, tense, articles, and punctuation make several statements difficult to interpret.
Write complete subject-verb sentences and check agreement and spacing before adding complex comparisons.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.