The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. Shares of expenditure for selected categories, United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and Japan, 2009
Sample Response
The bar graph compares how much Americans, Canadians, English and Japanese spent on food, housing, transportation, healthcare and clothing in 2009.
Generally speaking, housing and food cost more to these nationalities than other expenses in this year. As is given in the column graph, Japanese spent around 23% money on food and this ratio was higher than that of other nationalities. UK residents’ spending on food was one-fifth of their total expenditure while it was less than 15% for the citizens of the USA and Canada. Housing on an average drained the highest percentages of money, and it was more expensive in the United States as more than one-fourth of their money went on arranging accommodation. All other nationalities had to spend between 20% – 24% for housing. Transportation cost, on the other hand, was highest in Canada and one-fifth of spending by Canadians were for commuting. Japanese people spent the least on commuting and it was 10% of their expenses. Interestingly, these nationalities spent around 5% money on clothing which was slightly higher than that of their medical expenses. Us citizens had to spend the highest on healthcare which accounted for around 7% of their cost while it was the lowest in the UK.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name people accurately Original: English Suggested revision: Britons Why it matters: English excludes other residents represented by the United Kingdom data.
- 2. Describe expenditure shares Original: cost more to Suggested revision: accounted for larger shares of spending by Why it matters: The chart compares proportions of expenditure rather than how much categories cost people.
- 3. Compare countries and categories Original: these nationalities than other expenses Suggested revision: residents of these countries than the other categories Why it matters: People are residents of countries, while food and housing are expenditure categories.
- 4. Use past reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: in that year Why it matters: That year is the natural reference to the stated past date.
- 5. Use standard chart phrase Original: As is given in the column graph Suggested revision: As shown in the bar chart Why it matters: The revised phrase is concise and uses the task's visual type.
- 6. Add people noun Original: Japanese spent Suggested revision: Japanese residents spent Why it matters: Japanese alone is ambiguous here and needs a clear plural human referent.
- 7. Add of phrase Original: around 23% money Suggested revision: around 23% of their expenditure Why it matters: A percentage requires an of phrase identifying the whole.
- 8. Correct fixed phrase Original: Housing on an average Suggested revision: Housing, on average, Why it matters: On average is the correct expression and should be set off with commas.
- 9. Use neutral reporting verb Original: drained Suggested revision: accounted for Why it matters: Drained is emotive and does not accurately describe a percentage share.
- 10. Use precise chart language Original: highest percentages of money Suggested revision: largest share of expenditure Why it matters: The chart compares expenditure shares, not percentages of money.
- 11. Report the share Original: it was more expensive in the United States Suggested revision: its share was highest in the United States Why it matters: The chart supports a comparison of expenditure proportions, not housing prices.
- 12. Use direct wording Original: went on arranging accommodation Suggested revision: was spent on housing Why it matters: The original phrase is awkward and changes the chart's category label.
Suggested Rewrites
- English Britons
- cost more to accounted for larger shares of spending by
- these nationalities than other expenses residents of these countries than the other categories
- in this year in that year
- As is given in the column graph As shown in the bar chart
- Japanese spent Japanese residents spent
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects a broad range of relevant figures and makes several useful cross-country comparisons, especially for housing, food, and transport. Its main limitation is uneven precision: Canada is not below 15% for food, and the clothing-versus-health generalisation does not hold for the United States. Prioritise checking every comparative claim against the chart, then present the details in clearer category-based paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response provides a valid overview and covers all categories with useful comparisons, but a few numerical and generalised claims are inaccurate.
Check exceptions carefully, especially Canada's food share and the United States' higher healthcare than clothing expenditure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description follows a generally logical category sequence, though nearly all details are compressed into one long paragraph.
Separate the major categories from the smaller healthcare and clothing figures to strengthen paragraphing and comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the task, but awkward collocations such as "cost more to," "spent 23% money," and "drained" reduce precision.
Use standard statistical phrasing such as "accounted for 23%," "spent on," and "the largest share of expenditure."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures, but recurring article, agreement, capitalization, and preposition errors weaken control.
Review noun phrases and agreement, for example "23% of their money" and "one-fifth of Canadian expenditure was spent on transport."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. Shares of expenditure for selected categories, United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and Japan, 2009
Your response
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