The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, between 2000 and 2009.
Sample Response
The graph compares two cities in England namely Derby and Nottingham in terms of the number of houses built each year, from 2000 to 2009.
Overall, both sets of figures for Derby and Nottingham witnessed an upward trend over the ten-year period. However, while the number of houses built each year in Derby either increased or stayed the same, the figures for Nottingham saw greater fluctuations.
In 2000, the number of newly built homes in Derby was just under 50, and steadily increased over the next three years to reach around 125 houses in 2003. The figures then remained the same for the next four years before dramatically increasing in 2008 and 2009, to reach a figure of approximately 350 homes by the end of the period.
However, the figures for Nottingham followed a rather different pattern. Between 2000 and 2005 the figures for newly built homes fluctuated around 50, before dropping to almost 0 in 2006. A large increase of almost 200 newly built houses was seen in 2007, but the figure then once again dropped to around 10 houses in 2008. 2009 witnessed another surge in the number of new houses, with the figure peaking at 250.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct comparison Original: in terms of the number of houses built each year Suggested revision: by the number of houses built each year Why it matters: This phrasing states the basis of comparison more directly.
- 2. Avoid human action verb Original: both sets of figures for Derby and Nottingham witnessed Suggested revision: the figures for both Derby and Nottingham showed Why it matters: Figures can show a trend, whereas witnessed is an awkward choice for numerical data.
- 3. Use concise trend language Original: dramatically increasing Suggested revision: rising sharply Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural description of the steep increase.
- 4. Correct the 2006 value Original: almost 0 Suggested revision: about 10 Why it matters: The Nottingham bar for 2006 is approximately 10 houses, not almost zero.
- 5. Correct the 2008 value Original: 10 Suggested revision: 20 Why it matters: The Nottingham bar for 2008 is approximately 20 houses.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: In 2000, the number of newly built homes in Derby was just under 50, and steadily increased over the next three years to reach around 125 houses in 2003. Suggested revision: In Derby, about 40 houses were built in both 2000 and 2001, before the figure rose to roughly 80 in 2002 and 120 in 2003. Why it matters: The original claim of a steady rise overlooks the unchanged figure from 2000 to 2001.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Between 2000 and 2005 the figures for newly built homes fluctuated around 50, before dropping to almost 0 in 2006. Suggested revision: Between 2000 and 2005, Nottingham's figure fluctuated between approximately 20 and 80 houses. Why it matters: Giving the range represents the substantial variation in these years more precisely.
- 8. Add direct city comparisons Suggested revision: Add direct comparisons with Nottingham at key points, especially Derby's lead from 2002 to 2006 and Nottingham's higher figure in 2007. Why it matters: Cross-city comparisons would make the main relationships in the chart clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- in terms of the number of houses built each year by the number of houses built each year
- both sets of figures for Derby and Nottingham witnessed the figures for both Derby and Nottingham showed
- dramatically increasing rising sharply
- almost 0 about 10
- 10 20
- In 2000, the number of newly built homes in Derby was just under 50, and steadily increased over the next three years to reach around 125 houses in 2003. In Derby, about 40 houses were built in both 2000 and 2001, before the figure rose to roughly 80 in 2002 and 120 in 2003.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and accurately selects the main trends, contrasts, and most relevant figures, with especially effective coverage of Derby’s steady rise and Nottingham’s volatility. Its main limitation is that some supporting values are presented broadly rather than precisely, particularly Nottingham’s early fluctuations. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen comparisons between the two cities at key turning points while retaining the concise structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate selection of the principal trends and figures provide strong coverage of the chart.
Make a few more direct cross-city comparisons at key years and state Nottingham’s early values more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into an overview and separate city-focused paragraphs, with smooth progression throughout.
Strengthen cohesion further by explicitly linking the cities at major turning points such as 2007 and 2008.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, including effective trend language such as fluctuated, surge, and peaking.
Reduce repetition of figures and houses by using a slightly wider range of accurate comparative expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only negligible punctuation or phrasing lapses.
Refine punctuation around inserted identifying phrases, such as the reference to the two English cities.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, between 2000 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.