The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram shows the seven stagesseven most important stages in the making of honey by bees. The process begins with the honey bees building a hive, and then finishes when the honey is ready to be collected and used. Firstly, the bees have to build a container. This is called a hive and it consists of many individually built cells. Next, the bees leave the hive in order to search for flowers. When they find a suitable flower, they collect the nectar from it, which is used to make honey. The nectar is then taken back to the hive where processing continueswhere the production process can begin. First, it is put into cells. Next,Then, following this, the nectar must be exposed to circulating aircooled down. In order to do this, the bees fan the nectar-filled cells with their wings. As a result, the water evaporates from the nectarnectar loses its water content and finallyand then finally, the honey is produced.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear chronological account of how nectar moves from flowers to cells and becomes honey. Its main limitation is some inaccurate interpretation of the visual, particularly the unsupported claim that hive construction is the opening stage and the description of evaporation as cooling. Prioritise describing each depicted action precisely and add clear paragraphing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main sequence is covered clearly from bees leaving the hive to honey production, but the opening stage and evaporation are described imprecisely.
Describe the first image as bees starting from the hive and explain that fanning causes water to evaporate from the nectar.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process follows a clear chronological progression with effective linking, though the response is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Use a separate overview and divide the detailed stages into two logically grouped body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Appropriate process vocabulary is used with some flexibility, but terms such as container and cooled down are not fully accurate for the visual.
Choose more exact process terms, such as honeycomb cells, fanning, and water evaporation, to describe the depicted stages.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are combined naturally with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation.
Maintain this control while making the relationship between fanning and evaporation syntactically more direct.