The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.
Sample Response
The diagram shows the enrolment of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students at Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009. During this period, enrolment of both Iranian and Turkish students rocketed sharply. However, Greek admissions dropped significantly with numbers being almost the reverse of those for Iranian students. Iranian numbers grew steadily up to 2008 followed by a sharp rise reaching almost 160 students in 2009. Similarly, numbers of Turkish students showed steady growth throughout the period from about 20 in 2005 to over 120 in 2009. In contrast, enrolments of Greek students decreased dramatically from a high of 180 students in 2005 to just about 70 in 2007. Numbers then levelled off throughout 2007 finally dropping again to a low of around 45 in 2009. A further point of interest is that from 2007 to 2008, enrolments from all three countries were very similar, the average difference being approximately 20 students. Overall, the graph highlights a considerable difference between growth in Iranian and Turkish enrolments but reduction in Greek enrolments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the visual Original: The diagram Suggested revision: The line graph Why it matters: Identifying the visual as a line graph is more precise.
- 2. Avoid redundancy Original: rocketed Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: 'Rocketed' already implies a sharp rise, so the original phrase is redundant.
- 3. Use consistent term Original: admissions Suggested revision: enrolment Why it matters: Enrolment matches both the graph's measure and the terminology used elsewhere in the response.
- 4. Separate participial phrase Original: up to 2008 followed Suggested revision: up to 2008, followed Why it matters: A comma separates the initial trend from the following participial phrase.
- 5. Correct stable period Original: throughout 2007 finally Suggested revision: from 2007 to 2008, before Why it matters: The Greek figure remains near 70 across 2007 and 2008 before falling in 2009.
- 6. Remove empty framing Original: A further point of interest is that from Suggested revision: From Why it matters: Starting directly with the time period makes the comparison more concise.
- 7. Qualify the comparison Original: were very similar Suggested revision: were relatively close Why it matters: The three figures are close in this interval, but their spread in 2008 makes 'very similar' slightly too strong.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, the graph highlights a considerable difference between growth in Iranian and Turkish enrolments but reduction in Greek enrolments. Suggested revision: Overall, Iranian and Turkish enrolments increased considerably, whereas Greek enrolment declined. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the faulty 'between ... but' structure and makes the contrast parallel.
- 9. State the crossovers Suggested revision: State explicitly that Turkish enrolment overtook Greek enrolment in 2007 and Iranian enrolment did so in 2008. Why it matters: These crossovers are useful comparisons that clarify how the three trends converged and changed order.
Suggested Rewrites
- The diagram The line graph
- rocketed rose
- admissions enrolment
- up to 2008 followed up to 2008, followed
- throughout 2007 finally from 2007 to 2008, before
- A further point of interest is that from From
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response identifies the contrasting national trends clearly and supports them with well-selected, largely accurate figures from across the period. The main limitation is occasional imprecision in temporal phrasing and a few awkward or redundant expressions. The highest-priority improvement is to describe the 2007–2008 plateau and convergence more exactly while polishing collocations so the otherwise strong analysis reads more naturally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main rises, the Greek decline, final values, and the mid-period convergence are all accurately identified and sufficiently developed.
Specify that Greek enrolment levelled off between 2007 and 2008 and make the comparison during those years more exact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear overview-to-detail progression and uses contrast and similarity markers effectively, although all information is presented in one paragraph.
Separate the overview from the detailed country trends and group the converging figures into their own comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied range of trend vocabulary accurately overall, though rocketed sharply is redundant and some phrasing is slightly unnatural.
Choose precise, non-redundant collocations such as rose sharply and declined before stabilising.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled confidently and meaning remains clear, with only occasional problems in punctuation and parallel phrasing.
Improve clause punctuation and preserve parallel noun structures, especially in the final comparison of growth and reduction.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.