The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email).
Sample Response
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of free time of young and elderly people used for different internet activities including email services.
It can be seen from the graph that, the youngsters, belonging to 18 to 26 age group, spent their good proportion of 24% of surfing time to carry out social networking. Whereas the elderly belongs to 60 to 70 years age group and they used their 25% quality browsing time to call on cinema or travel booking websites. At the same time, merely 5%of youth's surfing time used for this purpose. Again, both youngsters and old people spent an almost same percentage of time to get into researching purposes. It was 20% and 22% respectively. The most interesting phenomenon had noticed from this pie chart is both groups spent exactly 12% of their browsing time on purchasing online.
Next, elderly spend their 21%of surfing time to call on social networking. Whereas the youth spent an exactly same percentage, that is 21% for access music and films. However, only 15%of elderly surfing time had used for visit music sites. The least interesting elderly online activity was playing games. They spent measure 5%of their browsing time for the same. On the other hand, for youth, 18% time spent for their browsing time used for not other than playing games.
Overall, the most interesting internet activity of youth was social networking. Cinema and travel booking was the favourite online activity of elderly. However, this was the least interested internet activity of youth. Though both are spent different time for various activities, online purchase times of elderly and youth were exactly the same.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct task scope Original: including email services Suggested revision: excluding email Why it matters: The task explicitly states that email is excluded from both charts.
- 2. Fix reference and comma Original: from the graph that, Suggested revision: from the charts that Why it matters: There are two charts, and no comma should separate “that” from its following clause.
- 3. Fix age-group phrase Original: belonging to 18 to 26 age group Suggested revision: in the 18-to-26 age group Why it matters: The age range needs an article and hyphenation when it modifies “age group”.
- 4. Use precise proportion phrase Original: their good proportion of 24% of surfing time Suggested revision: 24% of their online time Why it matters: “Good proportion” and the repeated “of” make the measurement unclear and unnatural.
- 5. Fix spacing and possessive Original: merely 5%of youth's Suggested revision: merely 5% of young people's Why it matters: A space is required after the percentage sign, and the plural group needs a plural possessive.
- 6. Add passive auxiliary Original: surfing time used Suggested revision: surfing time was used Why it matters: The passive construction requires the auxiliary verb “was”.
- 7. Fix comparison phrase Original: an almost same percentage Suggested revision: almost the same percentage Why it matters: The standard comparative expression is “almost the same,” without the article “an”.
- 8. Use concise activity label Original: to get into researching purposes Suggested revision: on research Why it matters: The original phrase is unidiomatic for describing how time is allocated.
- 9. Fix subject and tense Original: elderly spend Suggested revision: older people spent Why it matters: “Elderly” needs a noun here, and the report consistently describes the data in the past tense.
- 10. Fix percentage structure Original: their 21%of surfing time Suggested revision: 21% of their browsing time Why it matters: The percentage should precede “of their,” with a space after the percentage sign.
- 11. Fix activity phrase Original: call on social networking Suggested revision: use social networking Why it matters: “Call on” does not mean spending online time on social networking.
- 12. Fix comparison phrase Original: an exactly same percentage Suggested revision: exactly the same percentage Why it matters: The fixed expression is “exactly the same,” without “an”.
Suggested Rewrites
- including email services excluding email
- from the graph that, from the charts that
- belonging to 18 to 26 age group in the 18-to-26 age group
- their good proportion of 24% of surfing time 24% of their online time
- merely 5%of youth's merely 5% of young people's
- surfing time used surfing time was used
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response selects virtually all categories, makes useful cross-group comparisons, and identifies the leading activities and shared purchasing figure. Its main weakness is frequent grammatical and collocational inaccuracy, which makes many otherwise accurate observations awkward, while the introduction also wrongly includes email. Prioritise building complete, controlled comparative sentences and checking the task wording before adding precise percentages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers all major activities with accurate percentages and a relevant overview, although it incorrectly says email is included when the task explicitly excludes it.
Paraphrase the task scope accurately and keep the overview focused on the most important similarities and contrasts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a sensible introduction, two detail paragraphs, and an overview, but fragments beginning with "Whereas" and mechanical transitions weaken the flow.
Join each contrast into a complete sentence and group comparisons by a consistent principle rather than introducing them with repetitive linking words.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is sufficient to discuss the activities and proportions, but frequent inappropriate collocations such as "quality browsing time" and "call on" reduce precision.
Prefer straightforward combinations such as "spent time on," "visited booking sites," and "the largest share" over inaccurate attempts at variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, passives, and sentence boundaries make expression awkward.
Build comparisons around controlled subject-verb structures and check that every clause has the required auxiliary, article, and finite verb.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time (excluding email).
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.