The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts show the proportion of money spent on various household expenses in Malaysia and Japan in 2010.
We can see that in Malaysia the greatest proportion of expenditure (34%) was on housing, while in Japan housing accounted for just 21% of the total. In contrast, in Japan the greatest single expense was other goods and services at 29%, compared with 26% in Malaysia. Food came in second place in Japan, at 24%, while in Malaysia the actual proportion was higher (27%). In Japan another major expense was transport, at 20%, but this was much lower In Malaysia (10%). In both countries the smallest percentage of expenditure was on health care.
Overall, the data indicates that in both cases food, housing and other goods and services were the main expenses, but that in Japan, transport and other goods and services took up a higher proportion of total expenditure than in Malaysia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise measure Original: proportion of money spent Suggested revision: average proportions of household spending Why it matters: This wording more precisely reflects the percentage distribution shown in both charts.
- 2. Name the category Original: greatest single expense Suggested revision: largest single category Why it matters: The chart compares expenditure categories, so 'category' is more precise than 'expense'.
- 3. Clarify the comparison Original: actual Suggested revision: corresponding Why it matters: 'Corresponding' clearly links Malaysia's food figure with the Japanese figure just mentioned.
- 4. Fix capitalization Original: In Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The preposition is not a proper noun and should remain lowercase within the sentence.
- 5. Use plural agreement Original: indicates Suggested revision: indicate Why it matters: In formal academic usage, the plural noun 'data' takes the plural verb 'indicate'.
- 6. Name the countries Original: cases Suggested revision: countries Why it matters: Naming the comparison units directly makes the overview more precise.
- 7. Quantify health care Suggested revision: Add that health care accounted for 6% in Japan and 3% in Malaysia when identifying it as the smallest category. Why it matters: Including both values would complete the direct comparison already introduced in the final sentence.
- 8. Sharpen the overview Suggested revision: Foreground the different largest categories—housing in Malaysia and other goods and services in Japan—and note that health care was smallest in both. Why it matters: These are the clearest overall similarities and contrasts visible across the two charts.
Suggested Rewrites
- proportion of money spent average proportions of household spending
- greatest single expense largest single category
- actual corresponding
- In in
- indicates indicate
- cases countries
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response accurately reports the principal proportions and makes effective comparisons between the two countries, supported by a clear overall summary. Its main limitation is that health-care figures are not quantified and a few phrases are slightly awkward, although coverage remains strong and concise. For further improvement, include the two smallest percentages explicitly and polish minor wording and capitalization while preserving the focused organization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides an accurate overview and selects nearly all significant proportions and cross-country comparisons without misreporting the data.
Add the health-care values of 6% in Japan and 3% in Malaysia to complete the otherwise thorough coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is concise and logically organized, with comparisons integrated smoothly and an overview that clearly synthesizes the detailed paragraph.
Retain this focused progression and consider placing the overview immediately after the introduction for even quicker orientation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well suited to proportions and expenditure, with only a small amount of slightly awkward phrasing.
Replace less natural wording such as the actual proportion with the simpler corresponding figure and maintain the same comparative range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex comparative structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Correct the isolated capitalization slip in In Malaysia and continue checking presentation details after drafting.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Your response
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