The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the Japanese population in different age groups from 1960 until now, and projections for the year 2040.
Overall, the percentage of people aged 0-14 and 15-64 follows downward trends over the period shown. The opposite trend, however, can be seen in the percentage of those aged 65 and over.
Starting at about 65% in 1960, the proportion of people between 15 and 64 years old hovered during the next 40 years before falling to around 60% in 2018. This figure is predicted to experience a fall to about 52% by 2030, and finally will constitute around 55% of the total population of Japan in 2040. The figures for those aged 0-14 follow a somewhat similar pattern, which began at 30% in 1960 and is estimated to drop to about 10% by 2040.
In contrast, the percentage of Japanese people aged 65 and above was only 5% in 1960. However, the figures witnessed a significant increase to just under 30% in 2018, and by 2040, it is forecast that approximately 35% of Japan’s population will fall into this age group.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: the percentage of people aged 0-14 and 15-64 follows Suggested revision: the percentages of people aged 0–14 and 15–64 follow Why it matters: Two age-group proportions require a plural subject and verb.
- 2. Describe fluctuation accurately Original: hovered during the next 40 years Suggested revision: fluctuated between about 65% and 70% over the next 40 years Why it matters: The series rises and falls within this range rather than remaining steady.
- 3. Correct plotted year Original: 2018 Suggested revision: 2020 Why it matters: The chart plots this value at 2020, not 2018.
- 4. Fix clause structure Original: and finally will constitute Suggested revision: before finally constituting Why it matters: This participial form links the final forecast grammatically to the preceding prediction.
- 5. Clarify the modifier Original: which began at 30% Suggested revision: beginning at 30% Why it matters: The revised participial phrase correctly modifies the age-group pattern.
- 6. Use natural data language Original: the figures witnessed a significant increase Suggested revision: the figure increased significantly Why it matters: A data figure increases; it does not naturally witness an increase.
- 7. Correct value and year Original: just under 30% in 2018 Suggested revision: about 28% in 2020 Why it matters: The plotted point is approximately 28% at 2020 rather than a value for 2018.
- 8. Use concise contrast Original: The opposite trend, however, Suggested revision: By contrast, Why it matters: This connector expresses the opposing trend more directly.
- 9. Clarify the group Original: those Suggested revision: people Why it matters: Adding people makes the age-group reference more explicit.
- 10. Condense the age range Original: the proportion of people between 15 and 64 years old Suggested revision: the proportion of people aged 15–64 Why it matters: The compact age-range form is precise and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 11. Use a direct verb Original: is predicted to experience a fall Suggested revision: is predicted to fall Why it matters: The direct verb makes the forecast more concise without changing its meaning.
- 12. Refine the estimate Original: 52 Suggested revision: 53 Why it matters: The plotted 2030 value is closer to 53%.
Suggested Rewrites
- the percentage of people aged 0-14 and 15-64 follows the percentages of people aged 0–14 and 15–64 follow
- hovered during the next 40 years fluctuated between about 65% and 70% over the next 40 years
- 2018 2020
- and finally will constitute before finally constituting
- which began at 30% beginning at 30%
- the figures witnessed a significant increase the figure increased significantly
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the contrasting age-group trends and supports it with well-selected, largely accurate figures through 2040. The main weakness is some imprecision around dates and the early fluctuations, alongside a few awkward word choices. Improve by distinguishing observed years from forecasts exactly and briefly noting the initial variation before the later sustained changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate key figures cover all three groups, though some intermediate fluctuations and dates are simplified or imprecise.
Refer to the chart’s exact years and mention the early rise or fluctuation in the two younger age groups before describing their later declines.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from overview to the two declining groups and then the growing older population, with effective paragraphing.
Make the chronology even smoother by linking each forecast directly to the last observed data point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, although expressions such as ‘the figures witnessed’ and repeated uses of ‘percentage’ are occasionally awkward.
Use natural data-reporting collocations such as ‘the proportion rose’ and vary references with ‘share’ or ‘age group’ where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional awkward agreement, word order, or construction choices.
Refine sentences such as the overview and forecast statements so compound subjects and adverb placement are fully natural.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the Japan’s population by age groups starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.