The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012.
Sample Response
The bar graph compares visitors to three museums in London from 2007 to 2012. Generally speaking, National Gallery and the British museums attracted the largest spectators in 2012 though Victoria and Albert Museum was more popular in early years. As the data suggests, National Gallery received the least visitors (roughly 6 million) in 2007 and its visitors gradually progressed to make it the most visited museum in London in 2012. Approximately 16 million people went to enjoy National Gallery in 2012. Victoria and Albert Museum had the largest fans in 2007 as it was toured by almost 13 million people. It was the most popular museum among the three both in 2007 and 2008 but sharply lost the battle of visitors’ number. From 2010 to 2012, this museum had been attended by the least number of spectators. Finally, the British Museum was the second most famous museum in 2007 with its nearly 12 million fans but its visitors' number declined in subsequent three years. In 2011, it was the most attended museum in London in regards to the visitor's number but it became the second most toured museum next year with roughly 14 million visitants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use museum names Original: National Gallery and the British museums Suggested revision: the National Gallery and the British Museum Why it matters: Both institution names require their correct singular forms and articles.
- 2. Fix visitor collocation Original: attracted the largest spectators Suggested revision: attracted the most visitors Why it matters: Museums attract visitors, and 'most' is the correct quantifier here.
- 3. Add the article Original: in early years Suggested revision: in the early years Why it matters: The specified early part of the period requires the definite article.
- 4. Use fewest Original: received the least visitors Suggested revision: received the fewest visitors Why it matters: Use 'fewest' with the countable noun 'visitors'.
- 5. Describe the trend Original: its visitors gradually progressed Suggested revision: its visitor numbers generally rose Why it matters: Visitor numbers rise; the visitors themselves do not 'progress'.
- 6. Use objective wording Original: went to enjoy National Gallery Suggested revision: visited the National Gallery Why it matters: The replacement is concise, objective, and grammatically complete.
- 7. Use visitor measure Original: had the largest fans Suggested revision: had the most visitors Why it matters: The chart measures visitors rather than fans.
- 8. Fix passive verb Original: it was toured by Suggested revision: it was visited by Why it matters: A museum is 'visited by' people, whereas 'toured' is unsuitable in this passive construction.
- 9. Use formal comparison Original: lost the battle of visitors’ number Suggested revision: then lost its leading position Why it matters: The metaphor is informal and the possessive phrase is unidiomatic for an academic report.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: had been attended by the least number of spectators Suggested revision: received the fewest visitors Why it matters: The concise form uses the correct noun and countable superlative.
- 11. Report the metric Original: the second most famous museum Suggested revision: the second most visited museum Why it matters: The chart shows visitor totals, not fame.
- 12. Add determiner Original: declined in subsequent three years Suggested revision: was lower over the subsequent three years Why it matters: The definite article is required, and the revision avoids implying an uninterrupted annual decline.
Suggested Rewrites
- National Gallery and the British museums the National Gallery and the British Museum
- attracted the largest spectators attracted the most visitors
- in early years in the early years
- received the least visitors received the fewest visitors
- its visitors gradually progressed its visitor numbers generally rose
- went to enjoy National Gallery visited the National Gallery
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a relevant overview and traces the changing position of all three museums in a generally logical sequence. Its main weakness is recurrent imprecision in word choice, with visitors described as fans, spectators, or visitants, alongside a few overgeneralised trend statements. The most useful improvement is to use standard chart-reporting language and support each trend with carefully checked values from the intervening years.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview and principal changes for all three museums are covered accurately overall, though some intermediate movement is simplified and few middle-year values are supplied.
Add one or two precise comparisons from 2008–2011 and clarify that British Museum attendance fell sharply before recovering rather than declining throughout three years.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves logically from the overview through one museum at a time, but the single-paragraph format and some repetitive sequencing limit cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs to group the rising National Gallery trend and the contrasting patterns of the other two museums.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of trend vocabulary, but frequent unnatural choices such as largest spectators, fans, most toured, and visitants reduce accuracy.
Use consistent academic terms such as visitors, visitor numbers, attracted, rose, fell, and was the most visited museum.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are attempted successfully and meaning remains clear, although articles, possessives, and tense choices contain recurring errors.
Review article use with museum names and use simple past consistently for completed annual data rather than forms such as had been attended.
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