The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000.
Sample Response
(1st paragraph introduces the topic of the graph, explains what the graph shows and outlines overall trends or patterns.) The graph shows pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000. It measures smoke and sulphur dioxide in micrograms per cubic metre. According to the information, the levels of both pollutants formed a similar pattern during this period, but there were always higher levels of sulphur dioxide than smoke in the atmosphere.
(2nd paragraph describes the trends in more detail and illustrates these using data from the graph.) In 1600, pollution levels were low, but over the next hundred years, the levels of sulphur dioxide rose to 700 micrograms per cubic metre, while the levels of smoke rose gradually to about 200 micrograms per cubic metre. Over the next two hundred years the levels of sulphur dioxide continued to increase, although there was some fluctuation in this trend. They reached a peak in 1850. Smoke levels increased a little more sharply during this time and peaked in 1900 at about 500 micrograms. During the 20th century, the levels of both pollutants fell dramatically, though there was a great deal of fluctuation within this fall.
(Final paragraph draws a simple conclusion from the data.) Clearly air pollution was a bigger problem in London in the early 20th century than it is now.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe trends precisely Original: formed a similar pattern Suggested revision: followed similar overall trends Why it matters: Pollutant levels follow trends rather than form a pattern over time.
- 2. Avoid an absolute claim Original: always Suggested revision: generally Why it matters: The lines converge near the end, so 'always' overstates the difference.
- 3. Correct the period Original: Over the next two hundred years Suggested revision: From 1700 to the mid-nineteenth century Why it matters: Sulphur dioxide rises toward its peak only until the mid-nineteenth century, not throughout the next two centuries.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: They reached a peak Suggested revision: Sulphur dioxide levels reached a peak Why it matters: The plural pronoun incorrectly appears to refer to both pollutant levels.
- 5. Correct the smoke peak Original: in 1900 at about 500 micrograms Suggested revision: around 1890 at roughly 450 micrograms Why it matters: The graph places the smoke peak before 1900 and below 500 micrograms per cubic metre.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: within this fall Suggested revision: during this decline Why it matters: 'During this decline' is the natural expression for fluctuations within a downward trend.
- 7. Signal the overview Original: According to the information Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: This sentence summarizes the principal pattern, so an overview marker is clearer.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: in the atmosphere Suggested revision: in London's air Why it matters: This concise phrase keeps the location explicit and avoids abstract wording.
- 9. Specify the starting level Original: In 1600, pollution levels were low Suggested revision: In 1600, both pollutant levels were close to zero Why it matters: The graph shows both series beginning near the baseline.
- 10. Name the endpoint Original: over the next hundred years Suggested revision: by 1700 Why it matters: The stated pollutant figures correspond to the year 1700.
- 11. Use concise phrasing Original: the levels of sulphur dioxide rose Suggested revision: sulphur dioxide levels rose Why it matters: The noun modifier is more concise without changing the reported trend.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: the levels of smoke rose gradually Suggested revision: smoke levels rose gradually Why it matters: This form is more economical and natural in a graph description.
Suggested Rewrites
- formed a similar pattern followed similar overall trends
- always generally
- Over the next two hundred years From 1700 to the mid-nineteenth century
- They reached a peak Sulphur dioxide levels reached a peak
- in 1900 at about 500 micrograms around 1890 at roughly 450 micrograms
- within this fall during this decline
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report presents the main long-term trends clearly, uses mostly accurate figures, and handles complex sentence structures with strong control. Its main limitation is selective coverage: the sulphur-dioxide peak is not quantified, later fluctuations and the eventual near-zero levels receive little detail, and the instructional parenthetical notes distract from the report itself. Remove those notes and add a more precise comparison of the major peaks and final decline.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and generally accurate account identify the higher sulphur-dioxide levels, the different peaks, and the dramatic twentieth-century decline.
Quantify the sulphur-dioxide peak and state that both pollutants finished near zero, while briefly comparing the marked mid-century fluctuations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a logical overview-to-detail progression and uses cohesive devices effectively, but the parenthetical writing instructions interrupt the flow.
Delete the instructional notes and let purposeful paragraphing alone distinguish the overview, detailed trends, and concluding comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for pollutants and trends is varied and generally precise, with only occasional awkward phrasing such as fluctuation within this fall.
Use more natural combinations such as fluctuations during the decline and avoid repetitive references to the levels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and compound sentences are used flexibly and with a high degree of grammatical accuracy throughout the actual report.
Polish minor punctuation details, including commas after introductory time phrases, while preserving the existing sentence variety.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.