The line graph shows the prison population in a European country between 1911 and 2001.
This response is estimated at Band 8.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graphs compare the numbers of male and female inmates in a European country’s prisons over nine decades, from 1911 to 2001.
Overall, the male prison population rose substantially, whereas female inmate numbers declined overall. At every point, the male total far exceeded that of females.
In 1911, approximately 18,000 men were incarcerated, a figure that remained steady into 1921 before plummeting to around 10,000 by 1931. Thereafter, the male count climbed gradually to just under 20,000 between 1951 and 1971. A dramatic surge occurred in 1981, when the number doubled to about 38,000roughly 40,000, and continued to rise, reaching about 45,000 by 2001.
By contrast, female inmates numbered roughly 3,200 in 1911 but fell sharply over the next three decades to a low of approximately 600500 in 1941. Although there was a modest rebound to about 1,250200 by 1961, the female total dipped slightly to around 900around 1,000 in 1971. From 1971From that low point, the figure climbed gradually, ending at just over 1,500 in 2001.
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response gives a precise, well-selected account of both prison populations, with a clear overview and effective contrast between the male and female trends. Its only meaningful limitation is slight compression of some intermediate movements, especially within the male series after 1931. The best refinement would be to preserve the same concision while distinguishing the small rises and falls in that middle period more exactly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and supporting details accurately capture the dominant trends, relative scale, turning points, and final values in both series.
Represent the modest fluctuations between 1951 and 1971 a little more precisely rather than compressing them into a broadly gradual climb.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into a focused introduction, overview, and clearly contrasted male and female detail paragraphs.
Maintain this economical structure while making the transition through the male series' middle years slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural throughout, with strong control of language for trends, comparison, and approximation.
Continue refining fine distinctions among verbs for small fluctuations so each movement is described with maximum precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and fluently, with consistently clear control of punctuation and agreement.
Preserve this high level of control while ensuring compressed time-period phrases remain completely unambiguous.