The diagram below shows how fabric is manufactured from bamboo.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the various steps through which fabric is manufactured from bamboo. It is not too complexcomplax.
Overall, it is clear that this process includes nine steps, beginning with bamboo and ending with clothes and socks. This process can be divided into two phases.
With regard to the first phasephases, the first step is that planting bamboo plants in spring, after which farmers harvest them in autumn. Following this, the bamboo stemsbamboos are sent to special machines and are cut into strips which are crushed to make liquid pulp. Then, the liquid pulpThen, liquid pulp is sent to filters to separate long fibers from the liquidfrom liquid. The original fibres are formed.
During the second phasephases, Deletea moderate amount of water and amine oxide areis added to long fibres, in order to soften themcompounding soften fibres. After that, soften fibres are spunspan to make yarnyam and wovenweaved to make fabric. Finally, thisthese fabric is used to make some clothes and socks such as t-shirts and socksfor human.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The candidate successfully covers all nine stages of the bamboo fabric manufacturing process and provides a clear overall summary. However, minor grammatical errors, inappropriate subjective comments in the introduction, and spelling slips reduce the overall precision. Focus on eliminating grammatical inaccuracies and refining verb forms when describing process steps.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All main stages of the process are identified accurately and a clear overall overview is included.
Remove subjective personal comments like describing the process complexity and stick strictly to reporting objective details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced following the diagram steps, using appropriate transitional phrases.
Ensure accurate plural forms in organizational phrases, changing expressions like 'first phases' to 'first phase'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary from the prompt is used adequately to describe the stages, though minor spelling and word-form errors occur.
Proofread carefully to fix typos and spelling mistakes such as 'complax' and 'yam' instead of 'yarn'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical and tense errors remain noticeable.
Practice using irregular past participle forms correctly in passive constructions, such as 'are spun' rather than 'are span'.