The graph below shows all full-time members’ average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Sample Response
The bar graph depicts the average utilisation of full time male and female members of the health club’s of Miami and Florida by each month in the year 2017. The pie chart displayed the proportion of these members in terms of age and gender.
Overall, The highest average use of health clubs over the months was men compared to women, and just over half of them accounted for the adolescent age group, and the same trend can be seen in women’s age profile.
In the first month of January, 500 women were active members in various clubs in Miami and Florida, whereas the male counterparts were slightly higher than this figure. The average use of health clubs among males and females consistently remained constant up to April, then slightly began to escalated and reached about a peak with more than 800 males and 700 females in June and July respectively before these numbers plummeted into the final month. In December, women devoted only more than 500 whereas men were accounted for more than 600, which was remarkably remained higher in the average utilisation of health centres.
More than half of the male members Of the fitness clubs were between 21 to 45 years old, while this was exactly half proportion for women. The second leading age group was the senior citizens, age above 60, in that both male and female occupied one quarter and more than third respectively. Other age groups of both men and women used the facility at a similar proportion of a fifth or participants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Hyphenate the modifier Original: full time Suggested revision: full-time Why it matters: Full-time needs a hyphen when it modifies members.
- 2. Remove apostrophe Original: club’s Suggested revision: clubs Why it matters: The phrase requires a plural noun rather than a possessive form.
- 3. Use time preposition Original: by Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In each month is the natural expression for monthly data.
- 4. Use plural present Original: The pie chart displayed Suggested revision: The pie charts display Why it matters: There are two pie charts, and present tense is appropriate for describing them.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: In the first month of January Suggested revision: In January Why it matters: January already identifies the first month, so the longer phrase is redundant.
- 6. Report the right measure Original: 500 women were active members in various clubs Suggested revision: women's average use of health clubs was 500 Why it matters: The bar chart reports average club use, not a count of active members.
- 7. Refer to the figure Original: counterparts Suggested revision: figure Why it matters: The comparison concerns a numerical measure rather than individual counterparts.
- 8. Fix capitalization Original: Of Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Of should not be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
- 9. Fix age range Original: were between 21 to 45 years old Suggested revision: were aged 21 to 45 Why it matters: Use either between 21 and 45 or aged 21 to 45 for a range.
- 10. Use correct proportion Original: exactly half proportion Suggested revision: exactly 50% Why it matters: The original noun phrase is ungrammatical, while the chart gives an exact percentage.
- 11. Correct the age group Original: senior citizens, age above 60 Suggested revision: 65-and-over group Why it matters: The pie-chart category is 65+, not people above 60.
- 12. Link the figures Original: in that Suggested revision: with Why it matters: With correctly introduces the two proportions that describe this group.
Suggested Rewrites
- full time full-time
- club’s clubs
- by in
- The pie chart displayed The pie charts display
- In the first month of January In January
- 500 women were active members in various clubs women's average use of health clubs was 500
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear four-paragraph structure and covers both the monthly-use chart and the membership profiles, with several broadly accurate comparisons. Its main limitation is inaccurate or imprecise interpretation: usage did not remain constant to April, the key age group is 21–45 rather than adolescents, and the female 65+ share is 31%, not over one third. Prioritise verifying trends and labels before selecting details.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals are addressed and a relevant overview is given, but several trends, age labels, and proportions are reported inaccurately.
Verify the month-by-month movement and use the chart’s exact age categories and percentages, especially 21–45 and the female 65+ share of 31%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is sensibly divided into introduction, overview, monthly trends, and age profiles, though one long details sentence is difficult to follow.
Split the monthly description into shorter comparisons covering the rise to summer peaks and the subsequent decline.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the task, but several choices are imprecise, including ‘adolescent,’ ‘devoted,’ and ‘plummeted.’
Choose neutral, data-focused terms such as ‘members aged 21–45,’ ‘recorded,’ ‘rose,’ and ‘declined.’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, and verb forms sometimes make relationships unclear.
Control verb patterns and agreement in comparisons, particularly forms such as ‘began to rise’ and ‘men accounted for.’
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows all full-time members’ average monthly use of health clubs in Miami and Florida in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.