The plans below show the site of mining town in the past and after redevelopment in the present day.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The maps detail significant alterations to a former mining town. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the town became less focused on the mining industryindustry of mining and more on tourism with various historical sites and facilities for dining and entertainment.
In the past, the mining town was centered around a mine entrance for workers and related infrastructure. There were two waste pits near the mine entrancenear the mines as well as a staff changing room and medical room Deletefor treatment of injuries. Adjacent to the mine was also an office building and elsewhere on the siteslightly further away was the car park and a separate lorry parkparking lot for cars and lorries.
In the present day, the parking lot for cars remains the same and the mine is still present, though it is now for visitors instead of workers. The office and changing roomrooms have been replaced by a museum while the lorry parklorry parking space and medical area have become a footpath (leading to a children’s playground) and a cafe, respectively. Finally, the waste pits have been removed in favor of a driving truck track and an area reserved for picnics.
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a strong, concise report with a clear overview, purposeful past-versus-present organisation, and accurate coverage of nearly every major redevelopment shown. The main limitation is that a few spatial relationships and replacements are compressed rather than precisely distinguished. For the greatest improvement, describe the layout and each replacement a little more explicitly while retaining the current selective, comparison-led approach.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear tourism-focused overview and accurately covers the retained mine and car park alongside all major replacements.
Distinguish the museum's replacement of both the office and changing room and describe the footpath's layout more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overall transformation to the former layout and then the present site, with smooth linking throughout.
Use slightly clearer sentence boundaries when several separate replacements are grouped into one long comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise for change and location, with effective choices such as 'infrastructure,' 'adjacent,' and 'respectively.'
Replace mildly awkward phrases such as 'the industry of mining' with more natural concise wording such as 'mining operations.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is controlled accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.
Refine occasional awkward inversion and attachment, especially in the sentence describing the office and parking areas.