Line graph The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city who attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates changes in the percentage of concert goers by age group in a particular city from 2010 to 2015.
Overall, people aged 55 to 64 years-old showed decreasing interest in music concerts over the period, whereas the opposite was true for the other age groups. Additionally, going to concerts was most popular amongst young people aged 16 and 24 over the entire research period.
At 40% in 2010, the percentage of the youngest age group grew to 55% in 2011, and then continued to rise to 70% in 2015. The figure for those from 25 to 44 years old, despite having a higher starting point(2), dipped to 40%, before recovering to its initial value in 2012 and rising steadily to about 53% in 2015.
Regarding the 45-54 year-olds and the over-75 year-olds, from 2010 to 2011, the figure for the former dropped from 40% to 32%, while that of the latter doubled to 20%. However, by 2012, these figures had both fallen to 30% and 10%, before rising again to nearly 50% and 20% respectively. Meanwhile, there was a slight rise in the percentage of 55 to 64 year-old concert goers from 2010 to 2013, followed by a gradual decrease to around 23% by 2015.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name chart correctly Original: bar chart Suggested revision: line graph Why it matters: The visual presents five time-series lines rather than bars.
- 2. Remove hyphen Original: 55 to 64 years-old Suggested revision: 55 to 64 years old Why it matters: Years old is not hyphenated when it follows the age range predicatively.
- 3. Express age range Original: and Suggested revision: to Why it matters: To is required to express the inclusive age range shown in the graph.
- 4. Use graph collocation Original: the percentage of the youngest age group grew Suggested revision: the figure for the youngest age group rose Why it matters: A figure rises, while an age group itself does not grow in this context.
- 5. Use concise age form Original: from 25 to 44 years old Suggested revision: aged 25 to 44 Why it matters: This form modifies those directly and avoids the awkward from construction.
- 6. Restore source value Original: higher starting point(2) Suggested revision: higher starting point of about 52% Why it matters: The stray marker obscures the starting value shown by the orange line.
- 7. Report value accurately Original: recovering to its initial value in 2012 Suggested revision: recovering to about 50% in 2012 Why it matters: The 2012 figure is about 50%, slightly below the roughly 52% starting point.
- 8. Fix age label Original: the over-75 year-olds Suggested revision: those aged 75 and over Why it matters: The revised form accurately and grammatically names the open-ended age group.
Suggested Rewrites
- bar chart line graph
- 55 to 64 years-old 55 to 64 years old
- and to
- the percentage of the youngest age group grew the figure for the youngest age group rose
- from 25 to 44 years old aged 25 to 44
- higher starting point(2) higher starting point of about 52%
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is well organised and uses flexible, precise language to cover almost every series with well-chosen comparisons and data. Its main limitation is the inaccurate overview claim that 16–24-year-olds led throughout, although the 25–44 group was highest in 2010; it also calls the visual a bar chart. The highest priority is to verify overview statements against every year before presenting them as period-wide trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report selects and compares the main trends accurately, but its overview contains one material period-wide inaccuracy and misidentifies the line graph.
State that the 16–24 group became the highest from 2011 onward and identify the visual correctly as a line graph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced clearly through an overview and two focused detail paragraphs, with smooth progression across the age groups.
Make the grouping rationale even clearer by explicitly separating the consistently higher series from the lower, more variable ones.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise trend vocabulary is used naturally, including effective language for falls, recovery, and gradual change.
Refine small choices such as ‘research period’ to ‘period shown’ and maintain exact age-range wording throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are handled with strong control, and the few grammatical or punctuation slips do not impede communication.
Correct minor forms such as ‘aged 16 to 24’ and remove the stray parenthetical marker after ‘starting point.’
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
Line graph The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city who attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.