The graph below shows the percentage of New Zealand primary school students learning a second language by language learned for the years 2006 to 2014.
Sample Response
The graph shows the percentages of New Zealand primary school students who were learning a second language for the years 2006 to 2014.
It can be clearly seen that the popularity of various languages amongst school children changed over the years. Even languages that started off as equally popular in 2006 experienced a change in demand by 2014.
In 2006, the most common second language students learned in New Zealand primary schools was French (29%), with Japanese (28%) following very close behind. In 2014, the most common second language learned in primary school was still French at around the same percentage, however, the second most common had switched to Spanish (23%). Japanese dropped from its 2006 high of 28% to 17% in 2014.
The two least commonly learned second languages were German and Chinese. Chinese, which in 2006 had been the least commonly learned language at under 5%, dramatically increased and reached around 12% in 2014. German, which in 2006 had been the most common of the bottom three of the results given with 12%, steadily decreased to around 6% in 2014. “Other languages” groups various languages that are not stated. These were at 7% in 2006, but became more popular over the years, reaching around 9% in 2014 after having peaked in the previous year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise time range Original: for the years 2006 to 2014 Suggested revision: from 2006 to 2014 Why it matters: This preposition expresses the chart's time span more naturally.
- 2. Describe measured popularity Original: experienced a change in demand Suggested revision: changed in popularity Why it matters: The graph measures the proportions learning each language rather than demand.
- 3. Use adverb form Original: close Suggested revision: closely Why it matters: The verb phrase requires the adverb closely rather than the adjective close.
- 4. Fix comma splice Original: same percentage, however, the second most common Suggested revision: same percentage; however, the second most common Why it matters: A semicolon correctly separates the two independent clauses around however.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: the most common of the bottom three of the results given Suggested revision: the highest of the three least commonly learned languages Why it matters: This wording expresses the comparison precisely and avoids the vague phrase results given.
- 6. Use singular reference Original: These were at 7% Suggested revision: This category stood at 7% Why it matters: Other languages is one chart category, so it needs a singular reference here.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: “Other languages” groups various languages that are not stated. Suggested revision: The “Other languages” category combines the languages that are not named separately. Why it matters: The revision makes the chart category, rather than the languages themselves, the grammatical subject.
- 8. Strengthen the overview Suggested revision: State the dominant and contrasting trends: French remained the leading choice, Japanese declined markedly, and Chinese rose sharply. Why it matters: The current overview says only that popularity changed and does not identify the graph's main features.
Suggested Rewrites
- for the years 2006 to 2014 from 2006 to 2014
- experienced a change in demand changed in popularity
- close closely
- same percentage, however, the second most common same percentage; however, the second most common
- the most common of the bottom three of the results given the highest of the three least commonly learned languages
- These were at 7% This category stood at 7%
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its accurate selection of key figures and its clear, economical organization, with the major changes in French, Japanese, Chinese, German, and other languages presented precisely. Its main limitation is that the overview remains generic and does not explicitly synthesize the dominant trends. Prioritize a sharper overview identifying French’s overall stability, Japanese’s decline, and the contrasting rises in Spanish and Chinese.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately reports most key endpoints and trends, but its overview does not clearly summarize the graph’s principal patterns.
State the dominant trends explicitly in the overview, especially French’s stability, Japanese’s decline, and the rises in Spanish and Chinese.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through a concise overview and well-focused detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Refine the link between the two detail paragraphs so the contrasting upward and downward trends form an even more unified comparison.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of vocabulary describes rankings, changes, and approximate data with only minor awkwardness.
Prefer neutral graph language such as popularity or participation over the slightly interpretive phrase change in demand.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is controlled accurately, with only isolated minor slips in punctuation and adverb form.
Polish small details such as using closely after following and punctuating however correctly when it joins contrasting clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the percentage of New Zealand primary school students learning a second language by language learned for the years 2006 to 2014.
Your response
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