The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The two maps illustrateillustrates the norbiton area in the present daydays, as well as the planned development.
Overall, the Norbitonnorbiton industrial area is located at the east side of the town, with a river toon the north, separating the farmland from the industrial area, which is located in the center of the map, represented by a few factory buildingsbiuldings and roads, followed by the main road at the extreme south of the map.
Thethe planned development shows a substantialsubstantially growth and modifications toof the overall infrastructure of the area between the farmland and the main road.
Firstly, the planned development of the norbiton area replaces the former factories with housingreplaces what once were factories for housings.
Moreover, the roads have been developed to accommodateacomodate all the new buildingsbiuldings that have been planned for the area, Deletewhich are, a school and a playground to the east side of the roundabout located in the center of the map, as well as shops and a medical center around the round about.
Secondly, a bridge is planned for the north of the map to cross the river and provide accessacess to the housing that will be located in the farmlandin farmland.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response successfully describes the main planned changes to the Norbiton industrial area using key visual details from the maps. However, performance is limited by fragmented single-sentence paragraphs and frequent grammatical and spelling errors. Grouping details into cohesive paragraphs and reviewing core grammar rules will produce the most immediate improvement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers all major planned developments from the maps and provides a clear overview of the area's transformation.
Ensure all factual details, such as additional roundabouts or precise locations, are described with complete accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a logical sequence, but the response relies heavily on short, single-sentence paragraphs.
Combine related observations into multi-sentence paragraphs to create a smoother, more logical flow.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary conveys the necessary spatial changes, though spelling and word-form errors occur frequently.
Focus on correct word forms and proofread carefully for spelling mistakes like biuldings and acomodate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but capitalization mistakes and grammatical errors are noticeable throughout.
Practice sentence boundary control and review proper noun capitalization alongside subject-verb agreement.