The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.
Sample Response
The given line graph illustrates information on the number of overseas visitors traveling to Australia in millions of people. Overall, one notable trend seems to be that Australia has steadily become more popular as a destination spot. For example, there were 20 million more visitors to Australia in 2005 than in 1975. That’s a jump from 10 million to 30 million in 20 years. The second table gives statistics showing the countries whose residents went to Australia between 1975 and 2005. In both years, the largest number of visitors came from Japan, followed by South Korea and Europe. Britain, the United States and China also had many people traveling to Australia in these years. In fact, the number of people visiting Australia grew in every one of these countries. For example, in 2005, 12 million people went there from Japan compared with only 3.2 million in 1975. (147 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise reporting Original: illustrates information on Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: ‘Shows’ expresses the reporting function directly and naturally.
- 2. Avoid redundant unit Original: in millions of people Suggested revision: in millions Why it matters: ‘Visitors’ already identifies people, so repeating ‘people’ is unnecessary.
- 3. Avoid redundancy Original: destination spot Suggested revision: destination Why it matters: ‘Destination’ already means a place to which people travel.
- 4. Correct time span Original: in 20 years Suggested revision: over 30 years Why it matters: The interval from 1975 to 2005 is 30 years.
- 5. Identify the table Original: The second table Suggested revision: The table Why it matters: The task contains one line graph and one table, so the table is not the second table.
- 6. Use precise comparison Original: had many people traveling to Australia Suggested revision: also contributed substantial numbers of visitors Why it matters: This wording describes the visitor totals more precisely and formally.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: in every one of these countries Suggested revision: from each of these countries Why it matters: Visitors came from the countries, so ‘from’ expresses the origin correctly.
- 8. Use direct wording Original: people went there from Japan Suggested revision: visitors came from Japan Why it matters: The revision states the origin-to-destination relationship more directly.
- 9. Remove word-count note Original: (147 words) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: A word-count label is not part of the Task 1 report and interrupts the ending.
- 10. Develop another comparison Suggested revision: Quantify another major rise, such as South Korea’s increase from 2.9 million to 9.1 million. Why it matters: A second detailed comparison would represent the table more fully instead of relying almost entirely on Japan.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrates information on shows
- in millions of people in millions
- destination spot destination
- in 20 years over 30 years
- The second table The table
- had many people traveling to Australia also contributed substantial numbers of visitors
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly communicates the overall rise in visits and correctly identifies Japan, South Korea, and Europe as the leading sources. Its main weakness is inaccurate reporting of the total change and time span, alongside limited supporting detail from the table. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every date and figure against the visual and include a broader set of precise comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main upward trend and leading countries are identified, but the total figures and duration are inaccurate and several countries receive no precise comparison.
Report the change from 8.8 million in 1975 to 30.4 million in 2005 and add selected figures for more countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account follows a generally clear sequence from the overall trend to country data, but it is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons and group related country figures within a focused body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of generally accurate language for trends, rankings, and numerical comparison, with only minor imprecision.
Prefer concise academic wording such as 'destination' and 'visitors from' instead of more conversational expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are varied and mostly accurate, with clear control of comparative and time expressions.
Maintain the formal register by avoiding contractions and check prepositions in descriptions of origin and destination.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.