The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The chart illustrates the percentage of the inhabitants who are between the age of 65 and more indifferent three nations over the century.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart Japan had a maximum number of residents aged 65 and more in the final year, while Sweden and the USA also followed the positive trend and population of senior adults search over the years.
To begin with, the percentage of senior adults the age of 65 and over began at 5% in Japan in 1950, and this value got plummeted below the 4% in the next 45 years but gradually fairly inclined to 10% in 2027. Moreover, the intensity of the older population got a sharp climb with shares at 25% in the next two years and hit its peak at nearly 27% in the final year. Furthermore, in Sweden, the total number of old residents began at approximately 6% in 1940 and continuously surged by 4% after 20 years, and this growth was rapidly sored with a handsome number which accounted for 15% in 2000.it is interesting to note that this positive growth intersects the extension at 50% and skyrocketed over the years.
Moreover, the amount fluctuated for many years and got steadily spiked to 20% in 2014 whereas, more than the age 65 citizens of the USA also started their journey at 10% and followed the trend of Sweden and gradually hiked to approximately 20% in the final year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the age phrase Original: senior adults the age of 65 and over Suggested revision: adults aged 65 and over Why it matters: The participle 'aged' is required to describe this population group.
- 2. Correct the start year Original: 1950 Suggested revision: 1940 Why it matters: The Japanese series begins at about 5% in 1940, not 1950.
- 3. Fix trend wording Original: this value got plummeted below the 4% Suggested revision: this figure fell below 4% Why it matters: 'Got plummeted' is ungrammatical, and percentages do not take 'the' in this expression.
- 4. Correct the period Original: in the next 45 years Suggested revision: by 1960 and remained low until about 1980 Why it matters: Japan fell to roughly 3% by 1960 and stayed near that level until around 1980.
- 5. Correct Japan's rise Original: gradually fairly inclined to 10% in 2027 Suggested revision: then gradually rose to about 10% by 2030 Why it matters: The line rises gradually to roughly 10% around 2030, while 'inclined' does not describe this trend naturally.
- 6. Use proportion Original: intensity Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: The graph measures a percentage of the population, not its intensity.
- 7. Describe the surge Original: got a sharp climb with shares at 25% Suggested revision: rose sharply to 25% Why it matters: This is the standard concise form for a rapid increase to a percentage.
- 8. Correct the timing Original: in the next two years Suggested revision: around 2035 Why it matters: The sharp rise to about 25% occurs around 2035 rather than within two years of the preceding point.
- 9. Report a proportion Original: total number of old residents Suggested revision: proportion of residents aged 65 and over Why it matters: The graph presents percentages rather than total resident numbers.
- 10. State Sweden's change Original: continuously surged by 4% after 20 years Suggested revision: rose to about 10% by 1960 Why it matters: Sweden increases from roughly 7% in 1940 to about 10% in 1960, so the original change is imprecise.
- 11. Use accurate trend language Original: this growth was rapidly sored with a handsome number which accounted for 15% Suggested revision: this figure then rose to about 15% Why it matters: The original phrase contains incorrect and inappropriate word choices that obscure the trend.
- 12. Start a clear sentence Original: 2000.it is interesting to note that this Suggested revision: 2000. This Why it matters: The replacement creates a correctly punctuated sentence and removes unnecessary framing.
Suggested Rewrites
- senior adults the age of 65 and over adults aged 65 and over
- 1950 1940
- this value got plummeted below the 4% this figure fell below 4%
- in the next 45 years by 1960 and remained low until about 1980
- gradually fairly inclined to 10% in 2027 then gradually rose to about 10% by 2030
- intensity proportion
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response identifies the broad upward direction and Japan’s projected final lead, which gives it a recognizable overview. However, frequent inaccurate or unclear figures, weak country-by-country coverage, and pervasive language errors make several comparisons difficult to trust or understand. The priority is to verify the graph’s dates and percentages, then describe each country’s main trajectory in simple, controlled sentences before attempting more ambitious vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main overall rise and Japan’s eventual lead are identified, but several dates and percentages are inaccurate or unclear and the USA is insufficiently developed.
Select two or three accurate milestones for each country and compare the contrasting timing of their rises, especially Japan’s late surge.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and sequencing are visible, but mechanical connectors, ambiguous references, and an overloaded third paragraph weaken progression.
Organise the details by country or by clearly defined time periods and use explicit subjects instead of vague references such as the amount.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use varied trend vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices often obscure the intended meaning.
Prioritise accurate core expressions such as rose, fell, remained stable, and accounted for before adding less familiar trend language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex sentences are attempted, but frequent errors in clause structure, articles, verb forms, agreement, and punctuation reduce clarity.
Write shorter comparison sentences with a clear subject and finite verb, then check sentence boundaries and agreement systematically.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.