The diagram presents the process of producing smoked fish.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram shows the various steps through which smoked fish is manufacturedare manufacture using different equipmentby use different tools.Overall,it is clear that the process of producing smoked fish includes 13 steps,beginning with catching fish from the seacatching fish from sea and ending with selling them in a fish shopin fish-shop.This process can be divided into two phases.
The first step is that fish are caught from the seafish is caught from sea,and then fish are transported to the portto port by ship,next this fishthese fishes should be frozen immediately for the next stepfor next step.Following this, the fishfollowing this,fishes are thawed ininto fresh water ,after which the fish is cut open with a knifefish is cut open by knife.
During the second phase,the fishes are placed intoare added in to some salt water,where they are coloured yellow,after that,these coloured fish pieces are smoked by smokerelectronic machine,then these products are packed in cardboard boxessome paper boxes and frozen at 0°C and kept in cold storagefrozen in clod storage.Finally these products are delivered by trucktransports to a fish-shop ,where they are sold.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response successfully outlines the main stages of the fish-smoking process from catch to sale, supported by a clear summary overview. However, frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and irregular plural forms, reduce overall clarity and precision. Prioritising accurate passive structures and correct noun forms will significantly enhance the quality of the report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main stages of the process are identified and presented in chronological order, accompanied by a clear overall overview.
Ensure all details from the diagram, such as specific temperature labels like 0°C, are included accurately to fully develop key features.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information is logically organized into paragraphs following the workflow, though cohesive devices are repetitive and basic.
Vary transitional phrases instead of repeatedly relying on 'next', 'after that', and 'then'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary relies heavily on words given in the prompt alongside noticeable errors in word formation and choice.
Practice using accurate word forms and standard domain-specific expressions related to food processing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammatical errors in agreement, pluralisation, preposition use, and passive voice structures obscure meaning in several sentences.
Focus on mastering subject-verb agreement and the correct formation of passive verb phrases for describing processes.