The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminum cans.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The given diagram shows the various steps of the recycling process of aluminum cans, beginning with used cans and ending with reused cans (with 74% recycled in the UK).
The first step is that the used cans which are from aluminium bins are collected by the collection truckrecycling car, and then those used cans are transportedtranspoted to a factory to be cleaned, sorted, shredded and compressed by a special machine. Next, those materials are heated and melted into a useable liquid.
During the second stage, those materials are rolled to 2.5mm-6mm thick sheets after that, those sheetssticks are manufactured into can shapesmanufactured to can shape, finally, these new cans are distributed for reuse, and the recycling cycle begins again.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response successfully covers all main stages of the aluminium can recycling process and includes a clear overview. However, it is significantly under the minimum length requirement, which limits the elaboration of details. To improve, write at least 150 words by expanding on each phase of the process and fixing run-on sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All key stages of the recycling loop are identified, but the response is under-length and lacks further descriptive detail.
Expand the description of each step and ensure the word count reaches the minimum requirement of 150 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression follow a logical chronological sequence with basic transition signals, though punctuation creates run-on clauses.
Use proper punctuation such as periods or semicolons instead of comma splices to divide independent thoughts cleanly.
Lexical Resource
The response features accurate verbs from the diagram, but contains a few imprecise word choices such as 'sticks' and 'recycling car'.
Refine vocabulary by replacing informal or inaccurate terms with precise nouns like 'garbage truck' and 'rolls of aluminium'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, though minor grammatical and punctuation errors occur.
Practice splitting long compound-complex sentences into smaller, grammatically correct units to avoid comma splices.