The bar graph below shows the number of own operated and Franchised restaurants from 2007 to 2012 in Someland.
Sample Response
The graph shows data on the number of personally owned and franchised restaurants in Someland from 2007 to the third quarter of 2012. Generally speaking, the growth in the number of franchised restaurants were far higher than that of personal ones. According to the illustration, the number of licensed franchised restaurants in 2007 was 522 which was exactly nine times higher than that of personally managed diners in Someland. Next year, the former increased to 580 whereas the latter went up slightly and its number was 62. In the next year, 2009, another 101 chartered restaurants were established while personally owned restaurant dipped to 59. After two years, the growth of franchised eateries witnessed a hike, accounting 813 in total against only 67 self-managed eateries. In the third quarter of 2012, the total number of franchised diners’ number reached to 913, adding 100 new entities in just 9 months, while this number was 71 for personally controlled eateries. As is obvious, the number of franchised restaurants almost doubled in just 5 years while only 12 new personal restaurants added up with the initial number with a decrease in 2009 and 2011.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: growth in the number of franchised restaurants were Suggested revision: growth in the number of franchised restaurants was Why it matters: The singular head noun “growth” requires the singular verb “was”.
- 2. Use precise category Original: personal ones Suggested revision: own-operated ones Why it matters: This wording names the chart category more precisely.
- 3. Remove redundant modifier Original: licensed franchised restaurants Suggested revision: franchised restaurants Why it matters: “Licensed” is unnecessary because the category is already identified as franchised.
- 4. State ratio accurately Original: exactly nine times higher than Suggested revision: exactly nine times as high as Why it matters: A value of 522 is nine times as high as 58, not nine times higher.
- 5. Correct the noun Original: personally managed diners Suggested revision: own-operated restaurants Why it matters: “Diners” refers to customers rather than restaurants.
- 6. Use formal sequencing Original: Next year Suggested revision: The following year Why it matters: This phrase gives the time sequence more formally and clearly.
- 7. Make wording concise Original: went up slightly and its number was 62 Suggested revision: rose slightly to 62 Why it matters: The replacement avoids the awkward pronoun construction.
- 8. Use chart terminology Original: chartered restaurants Suggested revision: franchised restaurants Why it matters: “Chartered” does not accurately name the restaurant category shown.
- 9. Fix number phrase Original: personally owned restaurant Suggested revision: the number of own-operated restaurants Why it matters: The sentence reports a numerical category, so a plural count phrase is required.
- 10. Name the year Original: After two years Suggested revision: By 2011 Why it matters: Naming 2011 makes the skipped time point explicit.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: the growth of franchised eateries witnessed a hike Suggested revision: the number of franchised eateries rose sharply Why it matters: A numerical figure can rise, but growth does not “witness” a hike.
- 12. Correct the verb form Original: accounting 813 Suggested revision: reaching 813 Why it matters: “Accounting” cannot take the figure directly in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- growth in the number of franchised restaurants were growth in the number of franchised restaurants was
- personal ones own-operated ones
- licensed franchised restaurants franchised restaurants
- exactly nine times higher than exactly nine times as high as
- personally managed diners own-operated restaurants
- Next year The following year
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response provides a clear overall comparison and accurately reports most figures, using a useful range of trend language. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage of 2010 and several inaccurate or awkward claims, including the size of the overall rise and the final net increase in own-operated restaurants. The highest priority is to compare every year selectively while checking calculations and using precise, natural data-description phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and most key figures are provided, but 2010 is omitted and the final claims about near-doubling and 12 new own-operated restaurants are inaccurate.
Include the 2010 values of 712 and 77, and verify overall changes from 522 to 913 and from 58 to 71 before summarising.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows the years in a clear sequence and uses referencing effectively, but presenting everything in one paragraph weakens the organisation.
Separate the introduction and overview from a detail paragraph, then group the two series within each time comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is a wide range of trend and restaurant vocabulary, but forced synonyms and collocations such as 'accounting 813' and 'reached to 913' reduce precision.
Use consistent category names and natural data phrases such as 'stood at', 'rose to', 'fell to', and 'increased by'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied sentence structures convey the comparisons, though agreement, article, preposition, and noun-phrase errors recur throughout.
Review subject-verb agreement and remove unnecessary prepositions, particularly in forms such as 'the growth was', 'accounted for', and 'reached 913'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar graph below shows the number of own operated and Franchised restaurants from 2007 to 2012 in Someland.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.