The bar graphs below show the Riverdale Public School’s spending per student in a year as well as percentages of students who passed the reading and math tests from 1990 to 2005. Riverdale public School System Riverdale public School - Reading and Math Test
Sample Response
The first bar graph shows yearly spending for each pupil in Riverdale public school from 1990 to 2010 while the second graph shows the percentages of students from the same school who passed in reading and math tests during the same period of time. As can be seen, yearly spending for each pupil in Riverdale School decreased over the time and the percentage of pupils who passed the tests has also dropped. According to the illustration, Riverdale school spent 12 thousand dollars for each student in 1990 and that was higher than the spending on per student in any other given year. The spending fell to around ten thousand dollars in the next year and it further dropped to nearly 9 thousand in 2000. After five years the amount spent decreased to precisely 8 thousand and finally in 2010, the school authority’s cost for each student was roughly 7 thousand dollar. The second bar graph shows that the percentages of students in Riverdale school who passed the reading and math test kept on declining over the time. In 1990, approximately 87% pupils passed these tests while in 2000 this percentage dropped to 85%. Finally, 82% secured their pass score in these tests in 2010 which was a 5% drop from the initial percentage of students who got the pass marks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalization Original: Riverdale public school Suggested revision: Riverdale Public School Why it matters: Use the proper-name capitalization from the task.
- 2. Prompt mismatch note Original: from 1990 to 2010 Suggested revision: from 1990 to 2010 Why it matters: This matches the attached chart, although the prompt text says 1990 to 2005.
- 3. Preposition choice Original: percentages of students from the same school who passed in reading and math tests Suggested revision: percentages of students at the same school who passed the reading and math tests Why it matters: Use at the school and passed the tests.
- 4. Natural trend phrase Original: decreased over the time Suggested revision: decreased over time Why it matters: The phrase does not need the.
- 5. Word order Original: spending on per student Suggested revision: spending per student Why it matters: On is unnecessary in this phrase.
- 6. Wrong interval Original: in the next year Suggested revision: in 1995 Why it matters: The next data point is 1995, not the following year.
- 7. Currency phrase Original: decreased to precisely 8 thousand Suggested revision: fell to exactly $8,000 Why it matters: This is clearer and matches the chart scale.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: school authority’s cost Suggested revision: school's spending Why it matters: The chart measures spending per pupil, not authority cost.
- 9. Plural currency Original: 7 thousand dollar Suggested revision: 7 thousand dollars Why it matters: Dollar should be plural after a number.
- 10. Formal trend verb Original: kept on declining Suggested revision: continued to decline Why it matters: This is more formal for a chart report.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: secured their pass score Suggested revision: achieved passing grades Why it matters: This better matches the chart label.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: As can be seen, yearly spending for each pupil in Riverdale School decreased over the time and the percentage of pupils who passed the tests has also dropped. Suggested revision: Overall, spending per pupil fell steadily, and the percentage of students receiving passing grades also declined. Why it matters: This gives a clearer overview and uses consistent tense.
Suggested Rewrites
- Riverdale public school Riverdale Public School
- from 1990 to 2010 from 1990 to 2010
- percentages of students from the same school who passed in reading and math tests percentages of students at the same school who passed the reading and math tests
- decreased over the time decreased over time
- spending on per student spending per student
- in the next year in 1995
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report accurately identifies the downward trend in both spending per pupil and pass rates, and it includes the main approximate figures from 1990 to 2010. It could make the relationship between the two charts clearer and should avoid saying next year when the next data point is five years later.
State that both measures declined steadily, with spending falling from about $12,000 to $7,000 and pass rates from 87% to 82%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview and describes the two bar charts in order. It is coherent but would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more concise comparisons.
Use one paragraph for spending and one for test pass rates, then compare the scale of decline.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate, but some expressions are awkward, including decreased over the time, school authority's cost, and secured their pass score.
Use spending per pupil, fell steadily, pass rate, and achieved passing grades.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are recurring article, preposition, and noun-form errors, but the message remains clear.
Check singular and plural nouns after dollar, pupil, test, and percentage.