The diagrams below show changes that have taken place in the Sawry District neighbourhood since 1920.
Sample Response
This pair of maps depicts change over the course of a century in the Sawry District neighborhood by showing the area in 1920 and 2020.
The overall change in the neighborhood is one of growth. By 2020 there are more businesses, more housing, and greater public services. However, not all businesses and services remained intact after 1920.
Business and housing saw the most change and growth. The cannery present in 1920 was replaced by an office complex. Two of the houses near the Elmwood River were demolished and replaced by a road and an apartment complex. Oak Avenue went from having two houses and a shop to having three houses, two shops, an apartment complex, and a petrol station.
The change in public services was less significant than the change in housing and businesses. Prestwich Primary School was demolished and then rebuilt as a bigger school, closer to Oak Street’s shops. And Elmwood River gained a bridge and a bike path, the latter of which replaced the small beach seen on the 1920 map.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: depicts change Suggested revision: depicts the changes Why it matters: The plural noun makes the reference to multiple developments across the maps more precise.
- 2. Choose precise wording Original: greater public services Suggested revision: more extensive public services Why it matters: Services are more naturally described as extensive when referring to their provision and scope.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: Business and housing saw the most change and growth Suggested revision: Businesses and housing underwent the greatest changes Why it matters: This revision uses a more formal collocation and avoids the vague pairing of change and growth.
- 4. Correct apartment count Original: two shops, an apartment complex, and a petrol station Suggested revision: two shops, two apartment buildings, and a petrol station Why it matters: The 2020 map shows two apartment buildings along Oak Avenue, rather than one apartment complex.
- 5. Describe relocation accurately Original: demolished and then rebuilt as a bigger school Suggested revision: relocated and rebuilt as a larger school Why it matters: The maps clearly show a larger school in a different location, while the exact sequence implied by then is not shown.
- 6. Correct road name Original: Oak Street’s shops Suggested revision: the shops on Oak Avenue Why it matters: The road is labelled Oak Avenue on both maps, and no Oak Street is shown.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: However, not all businesses and services remained intact after 1920. Suggested revision: However, several features present in 1920 were replaced or relocated by 2020. Why it matters: This version describes the mapped changes more precisely and avoids the unclear phrase remained intact.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: And Elmwood River gained a bridge and a bike path, the latter of which replaced the small beach seen on the 1920 map. Suggested revision: A bridge was added across the Elmwood River, while a bike path replaced the small beach shown on the 1920 map. Why it matters: This revision gives each new feature a precise spatial relationship and removes the awkward idea that the river gained them.
- 9. Sharpen the overview Suggested revision: Name the principal transformations in the overview: commercial and residential development expanded, while the cannery was replaced and the school was enlarged and relocated. Why it matters: A more specific overview would identify the most significant changes visible across the two maps.
Suggested Rewrites
- depicts change depicts the changes
- greater public services more extensive public services
- Business and housing saw the most change and growth Businesses and housing underwent the greatest changes
- two shops, an apartment complex, and a petrol station two shops, two apartment buildings, and a petrol station
- demolished and then rebuilt as a bigger school relocated and rebuilt as a larger school
- Oak Street’s shops the shops on Oak Avenue
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear overview and logically grouped account of the neighbourhood's development, supported by precise, fluent language. Its main limitation is that a few visual details are incomplete or omitted, particularly the second apartment building on Oak Avenue, the reduction in trees, and the unchanged lake. A more systematic comparison of every major area would make the description fully comprehensive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately covers most major changes, though a few relevant features are omitted or incompletely quantified.
Check each map area systematically and include the second Oak Avenue apartment building, the loss of trees, and the unchanged lake.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to grouped comparisons of commercial, residential, and public-service changes.
Refine the final paragraph's opening transition so that the progression remains fully polished rather than beginning with an added point introduced by 'And'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective choices such as 'depicts', 'demolished', 'office complex', and 'the latter'.
Reduce repetition of broad words such as 'change', 'growth', and 'businesses' by using more specific comparative phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately and naturally, with very strong control throughout.
Maintain the same control while varying sentence openings further and integrating the final river comparison into the preceding sentence more smoothly.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below show changes that have taken place in the Sawry District neighbourhood since 1920.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.