The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010, 2015.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the percentages of students learning to play four kinds of musical instruments in three different years; 2005, 2010, and 2015.
In general, the instruments in the study were being learnt by far more students in 2015 than in the previous years, with the exception of the violin. Furthermore, the guitar and the piano remained the most popular instruments to learn in all surveyed years.
In 2005, approximately 11% of school children were learning to play the guitar, the piano, and the violin, while only 5% of students were learning to play the drums. By 2010, the guitar and piano had almost doubled in popularity, with about 20% and 18% of students learning to play them. In the same year, the proportion of school kids learning to play the drums stayed the same, while the percentage of those learning the violin decreased marginally.
In 2015, the percentage of school children learning the guitar saw an increase of approximately 10%, while that of piano learners more than doubled to reach approximately 40%. Furthermore, although the percentage of children learning the drums increased slightly to 8%, there was a moderate decrease in the figures for the violin, at only 5%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a colon Original: ; 2005, 2010, and 2015 Suggested revision: : 2005, 2010, and 2015 Why it matters: A colon, rather than a semicolon, correctly introduces the list of years.
- 2. Avoid overstatement Original: were being learnt by far more students Suggested revision: were learned by more students overall Why it matters: The drum figure rises only modestly, so “far more” overstates the general increase.
- 3. Clarify ranking Original: remained the most popular instruments to learn Suggested revision: remained the two most popular instruments Why it matters: The revision states their relative ranking more directly and concisely.
- 4. Reverse the values Original: with about 20% and 18% Suggested revision: with about 18% and 20% Why it matters: The graph shows roughly 18% for guitar and 20% for piano in 2010.
- 5. Use formal wording Original: school kids Suggested revision: schoolchildren Why it matters: “Schoolchildren” is more appropriate for a formal academic report.
- 6. Use singular figure Original: figures Suggested revision: figure Why it matters: Only one percentage for the violin is being reported in 2015.
- 7. Use direction preposition Original: at Suggested revision: to Why it matters: A decrease ends “at” or falls “to” a value; here “to” completes the stated movement.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: In 2005, approximately 11% of school children were learning to play the guitar, the piano, and the violin, while only 5% of students were learning to play the drums. Suggested revision: In 2005, about 10% of schoolchildren learned guitar and violin, approximately 11% learned piano, and only 5% learned drums. Why it matters: The rewrite preserves the close values while distinguishing the slightly higher piano figure.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In 2015, the percentage of school children learning the guitar saw an increase of approximately 10%, while that of piano learners more than doubled to reach approximately 40%. Suggested revision: In 2015, the proportion learning guitar more than doubled from about 18% to 40%, while the piano figure rose from 20% to approximately 38%. Why it matters: The original sentence understates the guitar increase and mischaracterizes the piano change.
Suggested Rewrites
- ; 2005, 2010, and 2015 : 2005, 2010, and 2015
- were being learnt by far more students were learned by more students overall
- remained the most popular instruments to learn remained the two most popular instruments
- with about 20% and 18% with about 18% and 20%
- school kids schoolchildren
- figures figure
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is well organized, provides a clear overview, and accurately covers nearly all major trends and values with fluent comparative language. The main limitation is the 2015 detail: guitar participation rose to about 40%, an increase of roughly twenty percentage points from 2010, while piano was slightly below 40%. Correcting this comparison and maintaining exact distinctions between percentage values and percentage-point changes would make the report consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and comprehensive supporting data describe the main patterns well, although the 2015 guitar increase and piano figure are not fully accurate.
Verify the final-year bars carefully and report guitar at about 40% and piano at roughly 38%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from overview to two chronological detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and unobtrusively.
For even sharper comparison, organize the final paragraph around the contrasting rises in piano and guitar versus the lower figures for drums and violin.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for trends and comparisons, despite a few slightly awkward or informal choices.
Prefer formal, exact expressions such as pupils and percentage-point increase over school kids and an increase of 10%.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine occasional phrasing such as instruments were being learnt to make already strong sentences more natural and concise.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010, 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.