The diagram below shows how salt is removed from seawater to make it drinkable.
Sample Response
The given picture illustrates the process of pure water from saltwater, which has been carried out to water supply management.
Overall, there are four steps. I am starting by collecting the saltwater and converting it into unadulterated water.
To commence with, the procedure starts from the intake of saltwater to the pre-treatment filter area, where some of the unwanted molecules will be back washed again into the sea. In the next, the water has been forced through the membrane at high pressure ( because the high-pressure water molecules have been separated into and salt and impurities ), and impurities and salt will return back to the water.
Next, the water molecules are now transferred into the post-treatment chamber. In this step, the water molecules have been filtered with lime, chloride and fluoride. This pure water now has been stored, and then it is supplied into the integrated water supply system.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the visual precisely Original: picture Suggested revision: diagram Why it matters: Diagram is the precise term for this process visual.
- 2. Express the process clearly Original: process of pure water Suggested revision: process of producing drinking water Why it matters: The original noun phrase does not clearly describe the production process.
- 3. Use the standard term Original: saltwater Suggested revision: seawater Why it matters: Seawater is the more precise term for water taken from the sea.
- 4. Repair the relative clause Original: , which has been carried out to water supply management Suggested revision: for an integrated water supply system Why it matters: The original relative clause is ungrammatical and obscures the process purpose.
- 5. Avoid first person Original: I am starting Suggested revision: It starts Why it matters: A process overview requires an impersonal present-tense description.
- 6. Use concise terminology Original: the saltwater Suggested revision: seawater Why it matters: Seawater is the conventional term and does not need an article here.
- 7. Use the intended product Original: unadulterated Suggested revision: drinking Why it matters: Unadulterated does not accurately name the potable output shown in the diagram.
- 8. Correct the preposition Original: from Suggested revision: with Why it matters: A process starts with its first stage.
- 9. Clarify the direction Original: intake of saltwater to Suggested revision: intake of seawater into Why it matters: Into correctly describes water entering the filter.
- 10. Name the component Original: filter area Suggested revision: filter Why it matters: The visual labels a pre-treatment filter rather than a general area.
- 11. Identify the waste stream Original: some of the unwanted molecules Suggested revision: filter backwash Why it matters: The diagram specifically shows filter backwash leaving the pre-treatment filter.
- 12. Remove faulty wording Original: will be back washed again Suggested revision: is discharged Why it matters: The original passive construction is incorrect and redundantly uses back and again.
Suggested Rewrites
- picture diagram
- process of pure water process of producing drinking water
- saltwater seawater
- , which has been carried out to water supply management for an integrated water supply system
- I am starting It starts
- the saltwater seawater
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response follows the process in a broadly logical order and mentions the main treatment stages, from seawater intake to storage and supply. Its effectiveness is reduced by factual imprecision about where the rejected salt and impurities go, as well as frequent awkward or malformed sentences. The priority is to describe each flow accurately in clear present-simple passive sentences, especially the membrane and return-to-sea stages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main sequence is covered and an overview is present, but some process details are inaccurate or insufficiently precise.
State clearly that filter backwash and seawater concentrate are returned to the sea, while treated water proceeds to post-treatment, storage, and supply.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is divided into sensible stages and generally follows the diagram's left-to-right sequence, despite some disruptive phrasing.
Use direct stage transitions and remove the long parenthetical clause so the membrane stage forms one clear step.
Lexical Resource
Relevant process vocabulary is attempted, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise terms such as desalination, treated with chlorine, and returned to the sea instead of unadulterated water, filtered with chloride, and return back to the water.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in tense, clause structure, articles, and coordination reduce clarity.
Describe the fixed process consistently with controlled present-simple passives, for example water is forced through the membrane and the concentrate is returned to the sea.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how salt is removed from seawater to make it drinkable.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.