The table shows the Proportion of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between 2000 and 2009.
Sample Response
The chart depicts the percentage of children taking part in different four secondary schools over nine years.
Overall it is immediately apparent from the chart that the popularity of community schools was high among the learners and dramatically increased in the final year, while voluntary control schools had a significant negative trend and pupils ignored this institute over the years.
In detail, the percentage of students who were admitted to specialist schools was begun at 12% in 2000, and this amount declined by 1% after five years. Unfortunately, 10% of children took part in a specialist school in 2009. Moreover, grammar schools had positive outcomes, with shares of 24% of children joining the school in the initial year. Unluckily this ratio plummeted by 5% in 2005 and again plunged to 12% in 2009.
Therefore, community schools had a maximum capacity of students at 12% in 2000, but this number skyrocketed to 32% in 2005, the significant changes observed which inclined at 58% in 2009. it is interesting to note that 52% of learners cut their admissions to voluntary school in 2000, and this value turned back to 30% and took a nose dive to 20% after nine years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb form Original: was begun at 12% Suggested revision: began at 12% Why it matters: The active verb 'began' is required here.
- 2. Use data noun Original: amount Suggested revision: figure Why it matters: 'Figure' is the appropriate noun for a reported percentage.
- 3. Keep tone objective Original: Unfortunately, 10% Suggested revision: By 2009, 10% Why it matters: Academic Task 1 should report the change neutrally rather than judge it as unfortunate.
- 4. Use attendance wording Original: took part in a specialist school Suggested revision: attended specialist schools Why it matters: Pupils attend a school; they do not 'take part in' one.
- 5. Describe decline accurately Original: grammar schools had positive outcomes Suggested revision: grammar schools showed a downward trend Why it matters: The table shows their share falling in both intervals, so 'positive outcomes' misrepresents the trend.
- 6. Clarify percentage structure Original: shares of 24% of children joining the school Suggested revision: 24% of pupils attending them Why it matters: This revision removes the awkward double 'of' structure and refers clearly to grammar schools.
- 7. Remove personal judgement Original: Unluckily this ratio Suggested revision: This proportion Why it matters: Neutral reporting is more appropriate than evaluating the decrease as unlucky.
- 8. Use measured decrease Original: plummeted by 5% Suggested revision: fell by five percentage points Why it matters: The change from 24% to 19% is a five-percentage-point decrease, and 'fell' avoids exaggeration.
- 9. Avoid exaggerated wording Original: again plunged to 12% Suggested revision: fell further to 12% Why it matters: 'Fell further' describes the second decrease clearly and objectively.
- 10. Use neutral transition Original: Therefore, community schools Suggested revision: Community schools Why it matters: 'Therefore' incorrectly presents the community-school figures as a consequence of the preceding data.
- 11. Capitalize sentence start Original: it Suggested revision: It Why it matters: A sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 12. Report attendance accurately Original: 52% of learners cut their admissions Suggested revision: 52% of pupils attended Why it matters: The table reports the share attending this school type, not an action by pupils to reduce admissions.
Suggested Rewrites
- was begun at 12% began at 12%
- amount figure
- Unfortunately, 10% By 2009, 10%
- took part in a specialist school attended specialist schools
- grammar schools had positive outcomes grammar schools showed a downward trend
- shares of 24% of children joining the school 24% of pupils attending them
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all four school types, includes most figures, and identifies the two dominant opposing trends, so the reader can follow the table’s main story. Its main weakness is imprecise reporting and interpretation, especially the incorrect 30% figure for voluntary-controlled schools in 2005 and misleading evaluative language. Prioritise neutral, exact comparisons using the table’s labels and values.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides an overview and covers every school type, but one key figure is wrong and several trends are interpreted imprecisely.
Report voluntary-controlled schools at 38% in 2005 and describe all changes neutrally without claims about popularity or pupils ignoring schools.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and two detail paragraphs create a broadly logical progression, although connectors such as Therefore are sometimes mechanical or inaccurate.
Group the two declining categories together and contrast them directly with the rise in community schools using precise linking.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations such as maximum capacity, inclined at, and cut their admissions weaken precision.
Use standard data-description phrases such as rose to, fell to, accounted for, and enrolled in consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent errors in passives, sentence boundaries, capitalization, and clause construction reduce control.
Build shorter complete sentences with accurate subject-verb agreement and check each passive construction before adding complexity.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the Proportion of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between 2000 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.