The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.
Sample Response
The provided table demonstrates the percentage of four different secondary schools, specialist schools, grammar schools, voluntary schools, and community schools children attendance from 2000 to 2009.
Overall, all school’s attendance was fallen year by year except community schools, in 2000 the majority of the percentage was involuntary school while specialist schools had the least through the given period.
For specialist schools, in 2000 had 12% of pupils attendance for secondary education which drops 1% after a half decades and falls the same percentage in 2009. And For grammar schools, had just below a quarter proportion of learners attendance in 2000, it declines slightly, and in 2009 it stood at a half percentage of starting year.
For grammar schools, student attendance was same as specialist schools in 2000, after that year we can clearly see the rapid sore, 32% of in 2005 and 58% of in 2009 which is the highest proportion. For voluntary schools, over a half percent of children attended in the school, after that time, it decreased 14% in 2005 and continued to down dramatically. Had only one-fifth proportion in last year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore sentence subject Original: in 2000 had 12% of pupils attendance for secondary education Suggested revision: 12% of pupils attended specialist schools in 2000 Why it matters: The original clause lacks a grammatical subject and uses the noun “attendance” incorrectly.
- 2. Use past tense Original: drops Suggested revision: dropped Why it matters: Use the past tense consistently when reporting historical figures.
- 3. Correct time phrase Original: after a half decades Suggested revision: after half a decade Why it matters: The singular time period requires “half a decade.”
- 4. State change accurately Original: falls the same percentage Suggested revision: fell by the same amount Why it matters: The figure fell by one percentage point again, rather than by the same percentage.
- 5. Remove faulty linker Original: And For Suggested revision: For Why it matters: The capitalized coordinating conjunction is unnecessary at the start of this comparison.
- 6. Repair data clause Original: had just below a quarter proportion of learners attendance in 2000 Suggested revision: just under a quarter of pupils attended them in 2000 Why it matters: The replacement supplies a subject and expresses the proportion grammatically.
- 7. Keep tense consistent Original: it declines slightly Suggested revision: this proportion declined Why it matters: Historical data should be described in the past tense with a clear referent.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: a half percentage of starting year Suggested revision: half its starting proportion Why it matters: The original phrase does not express the comparison with the 2000 figure clearly.
- 9. Correct school category Original: For grammar schools, student attendance Suggested revision: For community schools, pupil attendance Why it matters: The values that follow belong to community schools, not grammar schools.
- 10. Add comparison words Original: was same as specialist schools Suggested revision: was the same as at specialist schools Why it matters: The definite article and preposition are required for this comparison.
- 11. Use the correct noun Original: sore Suggested revision: rise Why it matters: “Sore” does not mean an increase in a numerical trend.
- 12. Remove stray preposition Original: 32% of in 2005 Suggested revision: 32% in 2005 Why it matters: The preposition “of” has no grammatical role after the percentage.
Suggested Rewrites
- in 2000 had 12% of pupils attendance for secondary education 12% of pupils attended specialist schools in 2000
- drops dropped
- after a half decades after half a decade
- falls the same percentage fell by the same amount
- And For For
- had just below a quarter proportion of learners attendance in 2000 just under a quarter of pupils attended them in 2000
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a clear four-paragraph structure and reports several figures accurately, especially for specialist and voluntary-controlled schools. Its main weakness is data identification: the community-school trend is incorrectly labelled as grammar schools, while the overview contains imprecise claims. The highest priority is to name every series correctly and express comparisons in complete, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A recognizable overview and several accurate figures are provided, but the community-school series is mislabeled as grammar schools and some overview claims are inaccurate.
Identify all four school types correctly and compare the dominant shift from voluntary-controlled to community schools with exact figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a sensible introduction-overview-details structure, although repetition, run-on sentences, and fragments weaken progression within paragraphs.
Group the two declining categories and the contrasting community-school rise into clearly controlled comparison sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate trend vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and incorrect choices such as involuntary school and rapid sore reduce precision.
Use standard data-reporting phrases such as fell to, declined by, accounted for, and rose sharply.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clause formation, agreement, articles, and verb forms often disrupt fluency.
Write complete subject-verb clauses and check tense, agreement, and article use in every data sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.