The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.
Sample Response
The diagram shows the enrolment of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students at Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009. During this period, enrolment of both Iranian and Turkish students rocketed sharply. However, Greek admissions dropped significantly with numbers being almost the reverse of those for Iranian students.
Iranian numbers grew steadily up to 2008 followed by a sharp rise reaching almost 160 students in 2009. Similarly, numbers of Turkish students showed steady growth throughout the period from about 20 in 2005 to over 120 in 2009. In contrast, enrolments of Greek students decreased dramatically from a high of 180 students in 2005 to just about 70 in 2007. Numbers then levelled off throughout 2007 finally dropping again to a low of around 45 in 2009. A further point of interest is that from 2007 to 2008, enrolments from all three countries were very similar, the average difference being approximately 20 students.
Overall, the graph highlights a considerable difference between growth in Iranian and Turkish enrolments but reduction in Greek enrolments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the visual precisely Original: diagram Suggested revision: line graph Why it matters: Line graph identifies the visual type more precisely.
- 2. Avoid redundant emphasis Original: rocketed Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: Rocketed already implies a sharp rise, and the simpler wording suits an overview.
- 3. Use consistent terminology Original: admissions Suggested revision: enrolment Why it matters: Enrolment matches the measure named in the task and elsewhere in the response.
- 4. Clarify the comparison Original: with numbers being almost the reverse of those for Iranian students Suggested revision: and followed an almost inverse trend to Iranian enrolment Why it matters: The revision connects the contrasting trends directly and removes the awkward numbers being structure.
- 5. Use singular number Original: numbers of Turkish students Suggested revision: the number of Turkish students Why it matters: A single enrolment total at each time point is expressed with the number of.
- 6. Link trend and range Original: throughout the period from about 20 Suggested revision: throughout the period, rising from about 20 Why it matters: The participle makes the start-to-end range connect clearly to the stated growth.
- 7. Complete the comparison Original: between growth in Iranian and Turkish enrolments but reduction in Greek enrolments Suggested revision: between the growth in Iranian and Turkish enrolments and the decline in Greek enrolments Why it matters: The between construction requires two parallel elements joined by and.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Iranian numbers grew steadily up to 2008 followed by a sharp rise reaching almost 160 students in 2009. Suggested revision: Iranian enrolment grew steadily until 2008, then rose sharply to almost 160 students in 2009. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the sequence of the gradual and sharp increases explicit.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Numbers then levelled off throughout 2007 finally dropping again to a low of around 45 in 2009. Suggested revision: The figure then remained stable at around 70 from 2007 to 2008 before dropping to roughly 45 in 2009. Why it matters: The graph shows a plateau across 2007–2008, not only during 2007.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: A further point of interest is that from 2007 to 2008, enrolments from all three countries were very similar, the average difference being approximately 20 students. Suggested revision: From 2007 to 2008, the three figures were relatively close, although their range widened from about 17 to roughly 32 students. Why it matters: The revision makes the comparison transparent instead of giving an unexplained average difference.
Suggested Rewrites
- diagram line graph
- rocketed rose
- admissions enrolment
- with numbers being almost the reverse of those for Iranian students and followed an almost inverse trend to Iranian enrolment
- numbers of Turkish students the number of Turkish students
- throughout the period from about 20 throughout the period, rising from about 20
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a concise and largely precise account that identifies the opposing national trends, supports them with well-chosen figures, and highlights the temporary convergence of all three series. The main limitation is that the structure repeats the overview and concentrates nearly all detail in one long paragraph, alongside a few awkward expressions. Prioritise splitting and comparing the data more deliberately while tightening wording around the Greek plateau and final overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately identifies the major trends, endpoints, Greek plateau, and convergence shown in the graph.
State more precisely that Greece remained level from 2007 to 2008 rather than saying it levelled off throughout 2007.
Coherence and Cohesion
Progression is clear and comparisons are easy to follow, although nearly all supporting detail appears in one dense paragraph and the overview is repeated.
Divide the detail into two purposeful groups, such as the rising series and the declining Greek series, and retain only one overview.
Lexical Resource
A wide and effective trend vocabulary conveys the changes precisely, with only occasional awkward or overstated choices.
Replace phrases such as 'rocketed sharply' and 'growth ... but reduction' with more natural, measured academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are mostly accurate and fluent, with a few minor issues in clause attachment and parallel construction.
Use clearer punctuation around participial clauses and maintain parallel noun forms when contrasting growth with decline.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.