The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
Sample Response
The line graph elucidates the number of shops closed and opened by a particular nation from 2011 to 2018. Data is calibrated into thousand.
Overall, it is crystal clear that the majority of the shops were closed in two thousand fifteen whereas the minimum opened at the end of the period.
Looking into the details, 65000 shops had been closing, in comparison, it declined slightly and reached 6000 in 2012. Likewise, the trend of closing shows fluctuations between 2013 and 2014. Interestingly, in 2018 there was a dramatic reduction witnessed by around 200, which was the greatest change in a particular country. In the following years, there was negligible difference observed towards closing shops.
Turning to the further details, in the initial year, 85000 shops had been opened, which was the peak point in the given period. While in 2012 the counting of it reduced by nearly half, then after increasing with tiny fraction and touched to above 6000. Despite this, people’s preference plummeted, and 200 shops opened in 2015. Last but not least, during the two years there was an almost similar trend of opening the shops, which drop with 500 and in last year the counting of it was 3000 in 2018 in one nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the subject Original: shops closed and opened by a particular nation Suggested revision: shop closures and openings in one country Why it matters: A nation does not literally open and close the shops represented by the graph.
- 2. Correct the figure Original: 65000 Suggested revision: 6,400 Why it matters: The graph shows roughly 6,400 closures in 2011, not 65,000.
- 3. Use simple past Original: had been closing Suggested revision: closed Why it matters: The completed figure for a specific past year requires the simple past.
- 4. Link the figures Original: in comparison, it declined slightly Suggested revision: and this figure declined slightly Why it matters: The original connector and pronoun create a comma splice and an unclear comparison.
- 5. Describe the change accurately Original: fluctuations between 2013 and 2014 Suggested revision: a decline from about 7,200 to 6,500 between 2013 and 2014 Why it matters: Across these two years, closures fell rather than fluctuated.
- 6. Fix the time reference Original: In the following years Suggested revision: From 2016 to 2018 Why it matters: No years follow 2018 within the period, so the intended time range must be stated.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: negligible difference observed towards closing shops Suggested revision: little variation in the number of shop closures Why it matters: The original phrase uses an unnatural collocation and does not clearly name the measured figure.
- 8. Correct the opening figure Original: 85000 Suggested revision: 8,500 Why it matters: The graph records about 8,500 openings in 2011, not 85,000.
- 9. Complete the clause Original: While in 2012 the counting of it Suggested revision: In 2012, this figure Why it matters: While incorrectly leaves the clause incomplete, and this figure is the appropriate reference.
- 10. State the scale accurately Original: reduced by nearly half Suggested revision: fell by more than half Why it matters: Openings dropped from about 8,500 to 4,000, which is slightly more than half.
- 11. Track the rise accurately Original: then after increasing with tiny fraction and touched to above 6000 Suggested revision: before rising gradually to just over 6,000 in 2014 Why it matters: The graph shows a two-year rise that ends just above 6,000 in 2014.
- 12. Avoid unsupported cause Original: people’s preference plummeted Suggested revision: the number of openings fell sharply Why it matters: The graph reports shop numbers and provides no evidence about people's preferences.
Suggested Rewrites
- shops closed and opened by a particular nation shop closures and openings in one country
- 65000 6,400
- had been closing closed
- in comparison, it declined slightly and this figure declined slightly
- fluctuations between 2013 and 2014 a decline from about 7,200 to 6,500 between 2013 and 2014
- In the following years From 2016 to 2018
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response has a recognisable structure and attempts to separate the two series, so its broad purpose remains apparent. Its main weakness is seriously inaccurate reporting: several figures are multiplied by ten, the overview reverses the 2015 closure low, and some trends are confused. The highest priority is to read each line and unit carefully, then select a correct overall pattern and a few accurately compared figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses both series but gives a misleading overview and repeatedly reports inaccurate or confused data.
State that closures fell dramatically to their low in 2015 before recovering, and check every figure against the thousand-unit scale.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates the introduction, overview, and detail, but progression within the detail paragraphs is uneven and references are often unclear.
Organise each series chronologically and use explicit nouns such as closures and openings instead of vague references like it and the trend.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent unsuitable collocations and imprecise choices reduce clarity.
Use conventional chart language such as fell to, rose by, remained stable, and number of shops, avoiding decorative or inaccurate expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, clauses, and sentence boundaries sometimes impede meaning.
Describe past data mainly with accurate simple-past clauses and check that every comparison forms a complete, correctly linked sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.