The graph describes average house prices in Sometown in 2005.
Sample Response
Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown.
Write at least 150 words
The line graph shows the average cost of housing in Sometown in the second half of the year 2005. It is clear that the prices of both sold and unsold houses had fluctuated over the period.
According to the graph, the asking price of unsold properties peaked in July at around $335,000 dollars and then the figure decreased to its lowest level of nearly $319,000, which was reached in September. A slight fluctuation occurred in the following months where the average prices of homes for sale increased by 10 thousand dollars in October and declined to just above 320,000 dollars in December.
Similarly, the average price of sold properties had varied widely over the period, except the values were lower. The months of July and August recorded average prices of around $300,000 and $303,000 dollars respectively. Then, prices reached the bottom at 290,000 in the next two months before it rose significantly and registered its highest value in December at almost $308,000.
In conclusion, there was a significant difference between the asking and selling price and the gap narrowed towards the end of 2005 as sellers’ expectations moved closer to achievable prices.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use simple past Original: had fluctuated over the period Suggested revision: fluctuated over the period Why it matters: Simple past is sufficient because no later past reference point is established.
- 2. Remove currency duplication Original: $335,000 dollars Suggested revision: $335,000 Why it matters: The dollar sign already identifies the currency, so dollars is redundant.
- 3. Use time linker Original: following months where Suggested revision: following months, during which Why it matters: During which correctly refers to a period of time, while where refers to a place.
- 4. Format the amount Original: 10 thousand dollars Suggested revision: $10,000 Why it matters: Use the same concise currency format as the other monetary figures.
- 5. Use simple past Original: had varied widely over the period Suggested revision: varied widely over the period Why it matters: Simple past accurately describes variation within the completed period.
- 6. Link the contrast Original: except Suggested revision: although Why it matters: Although introduces the contrast between similar movement and lower values correctly.
- 7. Describe the low Original: prices reached the bottom at 290,000 Suggested revision: prices reached their lowest point at $290,000 Why it matters: Lowest point is the natural term for the minimum value on a line graph.
- 8. Match plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun prices.
- 9. Remove unsupported cause Original: and the gap narrowed towards the end of 2005 as sellers’ expectations moved closer to achievable prices Suggested revision: while the gap narrowed towards the end of 2005 Why it matters: The graph shows a narrowing gap but provides no evidence about sellers' expectations.
- 10. Remove copied instructions Suggested revision: Remove the two copied instruction paragraphs and begin directly with the report introduction. Why it matters: The first two paragraphs reproduce task directions rather than report the graph's information.
Suggested Rewrites
- had fluctuated over the period fluctuated over the period
- $335,000 dollars $335,000
- following months where following months, during which
- 10 thousand dollars $10,000
- had varied widely over the period varied widely over the period
- except although
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report selects the principal movements and figures accurately, and its final comparison of the narrowing gap gives a perceptive overview of the two series. The main weakness is occasional imprecision in grammatical reference and tense, along with a few redundant expressions. Priority should go to maintaining consistent past-tense narration and making plural references agree cleanly throughout the data description.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately identifies the peaks, lows, fluctuations, and narrowing gap while supporting these features with well-selected figures.
Mention the November values or compare the two series at that point to make the coverage even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear introduction, separate treatment of both series, and a comparative conclusion with smooth progression.
Make the transition within the on-market series more precise by explicitly linking the October recovery to the subsequent decline.
Lexical Resource
The response uses flexible and precise data-description vocabulary, including peaked, declined, reached the bottom, and narrowed.
Remove redundant combinations such as $335,000 dollars and use consistently precise labels for asking prices and sale prices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used effectively, but tense and agreement slips recur in phrases such as prices had varied and before it rose.
Keep the account consistently in the simple past and ensure plural subjects such as prices take plural pronouns and verbs.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph describes average house prices in Sometown in 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.