The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The yielded diagram demonstrates how sugar makes from sugar cane.
Overall, it can be seen that the sugar process has several stages from growing sugar cane to make juice, evaporator, and cooling.
In the first stage, making sugar cane was primarily a requirement and it took 12 to 18 months to grow. After growing next step is harvesting which can be done by two methods, either harvest by labour or by a machine such as a tractor. In the third stage, harvested sugar can crush by machines as a result is juice and particles. In the fourth stage, purifying Joice in limestone filter later stored into the container and give heat thus, juice turn into syrup, this stage also knows as an evaporator. The sixth stage is centrifuge where sugar crystals differ from the strip. In the last stage, drying as well as cooling separated sugar crystals, after we get that is sugar.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the first stage Original: making Suggested revision: growing Why it matters: The diagram shows the cane being grown rather than made.
- 2. State the stage clearly Original: was primarily a requirement Suggested revision: is the first stage Why it matters: The replacement forms a clear present-tense process description.
- 3. Use process tense Original: took Suggested revision: takes Why it matters: A process description conventionally uses the present simple.
- 4. Add article and link Original: After growing next step Suggested revision: After growing, the next step Why it matters: The phrase needs a determiner and punctuation to connect the stages clearly.
- 5. Use formal process verb Original: which can be done Suggested revision: which may be performed Why it matters: This wording is more natural for describing two harvesting methods.
- 6. Use parallel form Original: either harvest by labour Suggested revision: either harvesting by hand Why it matters: The two alternatives require parallel noun forms.
- 7. Match the diagram Original: a machine such as a tractor Suggested revision: a harvesting machine Why it matters: The visual shows mechanised harvesting without identifying the machine as a tractor.
- 8. Name the material Original: harvested sugar Suggested revision: harvested sugar cane Why it matters: Sugar has not yet been produced at the crushing stage.
- 9. Use passive voice Original: can crush Suggested revision: is crushed Why it matters: The cane receives the action, so a passive verb is required.
- 10. Specify the equipment Original: by machines Suggested revision: in a crushing machine Why it matters: The diagram depicts cane passing through a crusher.
- 11. Describe the output Original: as a result is juice and particles Suggested revision: to extract the juice Why it matters: The diagram shows crushing producing juice and does not label particles as an output.
- 12. Add article and verb Original: The sixth stage is centrifuge Suggested revision: The sixth stage uses a centrifuge Why it matters: Centrifuge is a countable machine and needs an article in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- making growing
- was primarily a requirement is the first stage
- took takes
- After growing next step After growing, the next step
- which can be done which may be performed
- either harvest by labour either harvesting by hand
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response follows the process in chronological order and mentions nearly every stage shown in the diagram. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate or unclear wording, especially around crushing, purification, evaporation, and centrifuging, which weakens both precision and readability. The highest-priority improvement is to describe each stage in a short, grammatically complete sentence using the diagram's exact materials and outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main sequence from cultivation to drying and cooling is covered, but the overview is imprecise and several stage descriptions confuse the material or outcome.
State the seven-stage start-to-finish process clearly and accurately distinguish sugar cane, juice, syrup, crystals, and final sugar.
Coherence and Cohesion
The numbered sequence creates broadly clear progression, although the dense final paragraph and faulty linking make several transitions difficult to follow.
Divide the process into two logical detail paragraphs and give each stage one complete sentence before moving to the next.
Lexical Resource
Relevant process vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate choices such as yielded, particles, strip, and stored obscure technical relationships.
Use the diagram's precise verbs and nouns, including crush, filter, evaporate, syrup, centrifuge, crystals, dry, and cool.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in passive forms, articles, agreement, clause structure, and punctuation often strain the reader's understanding.
Practise controlled passive sentences such as the cane is crushed and the juice is purified, checking that every clause has a clear subject and verb.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.