The diagram below shows the manufacturingprocess for making sugar from sugarcane.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the various steps through which sugar is manufactured from sugar canewith sugar canes by using machineryby use some machines.
Overall, it is clear that the process of producing sugar includes seven steps,Overall,it is clear that the process of producing sugar includes 7 steps,beginning with the growing of sugar canesugar canes growing period and ending with drying and cooling sugar.Thisthese process can be divided into two phases.
In the initial phase,Regarding the first stage, the sugar canes are grown for 12-18 months and then the canes are harvested by farmers or machines. After that,machines,after that,the sugar canes are put in to a machine where they are crushed into juice.
During the second phase,the juice is purified by a limestone filterlimestone filter,next the purified juice is heatedthe juice which is purified are heated in a large evaporator until it becomes syrupthe juice are became syrup.Following this,sugar crystals are separated from the syrup by using a centrifugethe syrup are separated sugar crystals by using centrifuge.Finally,these sugar crystals are collected and stored in a huge container where they are dried and cooled until they are converteduntil it is converted into usable sugarsugars.
Why this response received Band 6.0
文章完整涵盖了甘蔗制糖全流程的所有主要步骤，并提供了包含起始与收尾阶段的清晰概述。目前的主要短板在于语法准确度较低，频繁出现主谓不一致、被动语态误用以及逗号连句等问题。建议重点加强基础语法及被动语态句型的练习，同时注意标点符号后的空格规范。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
准确描述了流程图中的全部7个步骤，且包含清晰的总体概述。
可以在概述段进一步提炼机械化与人工结合或物理化学变化的特点，使总结更具深度。
连贯与衔接
文章逻辑顺序清晰，使用了适当的先后顺序连接词，但存在个别标点拼写格式问题和逗号拼接句子现象。
请将过长的逗号连句拆分为独立句子，并在逗号和句号后正确添加空格。
词汇资源
使用了与图表相符的专业词汇（如 purified、limestone filter、centrifuge），但部分表达略显生硬。
积累并替换表达方式，例如将 by use some machines 改为 using specialized equipment。
语法多样性与准确性
多次出现主谓不一致及被动语态错误（如 juice are became syrup 和 syrup are separated）。
专项复习被动语态（如 is converted）和单复数主谓一致，写完后仔细检查动词形式。