The chart shows the fluctuations in the numbers of international students attending the Sydney International Language Centre in 2001.
Sample Response
The line graph expounds the information regarding the scholars who took enrolment in Australia ‘s Sydney’s International Language Centre in 2001.
Overall, the most eye-catching feature is that a lot of fluctuations were observed regarding the students who attended the International Language Centre during the tenure.
As is presented in the line graph, merely 170 pupils were enrolled in the language center during the first two months of 2001. After that, the attendance of students was plummeted and reached just above 120, in March. In the subsequent months, its growth rate took considerably increase and reached the zenith point (185) till July.
Moving further, In August, the admission of pupils was declined and arrived at the same position which they had had in the month of March. Furthermore, the enrolment of learners increased steadily, 140 and 160 students attended the center in September and October month. In the last two months, the scholars who attended the International Language center were Inclined and again reached the same number which they reached in the month of July.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid evaluative wording Original: merely Suggested revision: about Why it matters: About reports the approximate chart value neutrally.
- 2. Use the appropriate noun Original: pupils Suggested revision: students Why it matters: Students is the appropriate term for people attending a language centre.
- 3. Use a concise noun phrase Original: attendance of students Suggested revision: student attendance Why it matters: The compound noun phrase is more natural and concise.
- 4. Use active intransitive form Original: was plummeted Suggested revision: plummeted Why it matters: Plummet is intransitive here and should not be used in the passive voice.
- 5. Correct the March figure Original: just above 120 Suggested revision: about 130 Why it matters: The plotted March value is approximately 130 students.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: its growth rate Suggested revision: enrolment Why it matters: Its has no clear singular antecedent and the chart tracks enrolment levels rather than a growth rate.
- 7. Correct the verb phrase Original: took considerably increase Suggested revision: increased considerably Why it matters: The original verb phrase is grammatically incorrect.
- 8. Use standard chart language Original: zenith point (185) Suggested revision: peak of about 185 Why it matters: Peak is the conventional concise term for the highest plotted value.
- 9. Identify the peak month Original: till Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The value reaches its peak in July rather than continuing unchanged until July.
- 10. Use a clear transition Original: Moving further Suggested revision: Turning to the rest of the year Why it matters: The revision clearly signals the move to the later months.
- 11. Correct mid-sentence case Original: In Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The preposition follows a comma within the sentence and should not be capitalized.
- 12. Describe attendance accurately Original: admission of pupils Suggested revision: student attendance Why it matters: The graph shows attendance or enrolment numbers, not admissions.
Suggested Rewrites
- merely about
- pupils students
- attendance of students student attendance
- was plummeted plummeted
- just above 120 about 130
- its growth rate enrolment
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response follows the year chronologically and reports most major movements with generally understandable supporting figures. Its overview is too vague to identify the clearest features, and several descriptions are inaccurate or awkward, especially the claim that December returns to July's level. Prioritise a precise overview of the March low, July peak, and subsequent recovery, then use accurate active verb forms throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most monthly movements are covered, but the overview lacks specific key features and December is inaccurately equated with the higher July peak.
State that enrolment fell to about 130 in March, peaked near 185 in July, dropped sharply in August, and recovered to around 180 by December.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological organisation and paragraphing make the sequence easy to follow, although some linking is mechanical.
Group the first rise and the later recovery into two clearly framed periods instead of repeatedly advancing month by month.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in language for trends, but frequent inappropriate choices such as 'scholars', 'zenith point', and 'were inclined' reduce precision.
Use standard chart vocabulary consistently, such as 'students', 'enrolment rose', 'peaked', and 'fell'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but recurring errors in passive forms, agreement, articles, and word forms weaken control.
Use active trend constructions such as 'attendance fell' and 'enrolment increased' to avoid incorrect passives like 'was plummeted'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows the fluctuations in the numbers of international students attending the Sydney International Language Centre in 2001.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.