The table data shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the United Kingdom in 2005.
Sample Response
The table compares the expense ratios of grown up and younger English on four items proportionate to their earning in 2005. Overall, adult UK residents spent most percentages of their income on food and electronic devices while children’s expenditure was mostly for music and video. To illustrate, an average adult English spent over one-fourth of the income on food in 2005 while 15 percent of the income went on purchasing electronic devices. Their spending on music and video were quite low, only 4% and 2% respectively. Interestingly, men spent 21% of their earning on electronic gadgets, which was exactly treble than that of women. However, women spent more on food and slightly higher on music. But their expenditure on videos was almost ignorable proportionate to their income. Children, on the other hand, spent only around one-tenth of their income on food while a large ratio on music and electronic tools, 41 and 35 percentages consecutively. Youngsters expense proportion on video was much higher than that of adults, more than 7 times to be more precise. Among those children, boys spent most proportion of their income on video and electronics, 20 and 28 percentages sequentially, while girls preferred more ratio on food and music.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use expenditure term Original: expense ratios Suggested revision: expenditure shares Why it matters: Expenditure shares is the accurate term for percentages of income spent.
- 2. Name groups accurately Original: grown up and younger English Suggested revision: British adults and children Why it matters: The replacement is concise and accurately names the groups in the table.
- 3. Fix income phrase Original: proportionate to their earning Suggested revision: as proportions of their income Why it matters: The plural possessive phrase is required because the table shows shares of income.
- 4. Fix quantity expression Original: spent most percentages Suggested revision: spent the largest percentages Why it matters: Largest percentages is the grammatical expression for the highest income shares.
- 5. Use natural demonym Original: an average adult English Suggested revision: an average British adult Why it matters: British adult is the natural noun phrase for a UK resident.
- 6. Clarify possession Original: one-fourth of the income Suggested revision: one-fourth of their income Why it matters: Their correctly links the income to the average adult being described.
- 7. Use expenditure phrasing Original: went on purchasing electronic devices Suggested revision: was spent on electronic equipment Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and matches the table's category label.
- 8. Fix agreement Original: Their spending on music and video were Suggested revision: Their spending on music and video was Why it matters: Spending is an uncountable singular noun and therefore takes was.
- 9. Use correct income noun Original: 21% of their earning Suggested revision: 21% of their income Why it matters: The table reports a proportion of income, while earning needs a plural or different construction.
- 10. Fix comparison form Original: treble than that of women Suggested revision: three times that of women Why it matters: Three times takes no than in this multiplicative comparison.
- 11. Use parallel comparison Original: spent more on food and slightly higher on music Suggested revision: spent larger shares on food and music Why it matters: The revision uses a parallel structure for both expenditure categories.
- 12. Use precise adjective Original: almost ignorable Suggested revision: negligible Why it matters: Negligible is the natural adjective for the very small 0.5% share.
Suggested Rewrites
- expense ratios expenditure shares
- grown up and younger English British adults and children
- proportionate to their earning as proportions of their income
- spent most percentages spent the largest percentages
- an average adult English an average British adult
- one-fourth of the income one-fourth of their income
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is logically sequenced and supports its account with many correct figures, especially for adults and overall children. Its main limitation is inaccurate selection and comparison: the overview overstates children's video spending, women's music spending is not higher than men's, and music is actually boys' largest category; prioritise verifying each claimed ranking against the table before writing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The table is substantially covered with many correct figures, but the overview and several subgroup comparisons misidentify important rankings.
Correct the overview to highlight children's music and electronic spending, then verify the women-versus-men and boys' category comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a sensible adults-to-children sequence and uses clear referencing, although the single paragraph and occasional abrupt linking reduce control.
Place the overview in its own paragraph and organise the adult and child comparisons into two distinct detail paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Trend and comparison vocabulary is varied, but frequent unnatural expressions such as 'younger English,' 'ignorable,' and 'preferred more ratio' reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as children, negligible proportion, spent a higher percentage, and respectively.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear and some complex sentences are attempted, but agreement, possessive, article, and sentence-completion errors occur regularly.
Check every clause for a finite verb and revise forms such as 'adults' spending,' 'children's expenditure,' and 'three times that of women.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table data shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the United Kingdom in 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.