The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.
Sample Response
The table illustrates four reasons why adults in the UK have attended arts events over the past twenty years. The major reason over the whole twenty-year period was a desire to see a specific performer or artist; while the least important reason was attending arts events for work-related reasons.
The percentage of people who attended events out of a desire to see a particular performer has remained relatively stable throughout the twenty-year period; varying from 58% twenty years ago to 56% today.
On the other hand, the percentage of people accompanying children has shown a significant increase, from 9% 20 years ago to just under a quarter today. As far as those who attended arts events because of special occasions or celebrations are concerned, the percentage fell slightly from 27% 20 years ago to 20% a decade ago, dropping dramatically to 9% today.
There has been a slight increase in the percentage of people attending arts events for work or business, from 6% 20 years ago to just over 10% today.
Overall, there has been a rise in people attending events in order to accompany children and for work-related reasons, while fewer people choose to attend an arts event as a form of celebration.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise category language Original: major Suggested revision: main Why it matters: ‘Main’ describes the category with the highest attendance percentage more naturally.
- 2. Fix clause punctuation Original: ; while Suggested revision: , while Why it matters: A comma correctly introduces the contrasting dependent while-clause here.
- 3. Describe frequency accurately Original: important Suggested revision: common Why it matters: The table measures how commonly each reason was reported rather than its importance.
- 4. Make wording concise Original: attended events out of a desire to see Suggested revision: attended events to see Why it matters: The shorter infinitive expresses the same purpose more directly.
- 5. Join participle correctly Original: period; varying Suggested revision: period, varying Why it matters: The participial phrase depends on the preceding clause and should follow a comma.
- 6. Use direct trend language Original: shown a significant increase Suggested revision: increased substantially Why it matters: A direct trend verb makes the description more concise.
- 7. Quantify the decrease Original: fell slightly Suggested revision: fell by seven percentage points Why it matters: The exact change from 27% to 20% is clearer than the subjective word ‘slightly’.
- 8. Clarify the sequence Original: dropping dramatically to 9% today Suggested revision: before dropping to 9% today Why it matters: ‘Before’ explicitly connects the second fall to the earlier ten-year figure.
- 9. Report exact data Original: just over 10% Suggested revision: 11% Why it matters: The table supplies the exact current figure, so it can be stated directly.
- 10. Consolidate the overview Suggested revision: Move this trend summary into the opening overview so all key features are grouped together. Why it matters: Keeping the dominant categories and principal trends in one overview avoids splitting summary information between the beginning and end.
Suggested Rewrites
- major main
- ; while , while
- important common
- attended events out of a desire to see attended events to see
- period; varying period, varying
- shown a significant increase increased substantially
Why this response received Band 8.5
This response presents an accurate, well-selected account of all four reasons, with a clear overview and effective comparisons across the twenty-year period. Its main limitation is that some trend descriptions omit intermediate figures, although the selected data still support the key patterns. The best refinement would be to integrate the ten-year values more consistently while maintaining the concise, controlled presentation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response fully addresses the task with an accurate overview and well-selected figures for every reason.
Include the ten-year figures for accompanying children and work or business to make the trend coverage even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised, and its paragraphs and linking expressions make each trend easy to follow.
Group the two rising categories together more explicitly to sharpen the comparative structure.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective trend language such as remained relatively stable and significant increase.
Reduce repetition of percentage of people by varying the sentence structures used to introduce figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately, with only a minor punctuation lapse before while.
Use a comma rather than a semicolon before a dependent while-clause.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the results of a 20-year study into why adults in the UK attend arts events.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.