The graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University in 2009.
Sample Response
The graph describes the ratio of second class degree holders in a known university in 2009 between the UK and international scholars in eight fields, namely Nursing, Electrical engineering, Information technology, English literature, Art history, Accountancy, International law and sociology. Overall, it could be seen that international students excelled more in information technology, whereas in sociology, the UK students had the highest percentage and lowest between the two in international law.
On the one hand, students from the United Kingdom had the highest number of second class degree holders in art history and sociology with 80% each, and nursing was about 78%, three-quarters of the students excelled in English literature, 70% in international law. However, fields like electrical engineering, accountancy and information technology had 60%,60% and58% respectively.
On the other hand, International students had higher numbers than their counterparts in information technology (84%) and electrical engineering (80%). They had the same 78% as UK students in nursing. Art history (70%), sociology and English literature are both had 68%; moreover, accountancy and international law had the lowest Second class holder with 60% and 48%, respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure accurately Original: ratio of second class degree holders Suggested revision: percentage of students gaining second-class degrees or better Why it matters: The chart measures percentages attaining at least this degree classification, not a ratio of degree holders.
- 2. Match task wording Original: a known university Suggested revision: a major UK university Why it matters: Known is unsupported and omits the university's location given in the task.
- 3. Clarify compared groups Original: between the UK and international scholars Suggested revision: for UK and international students Why it matters: The graph compares two student groups rather than a country with scholars.
- 4. Lowercase subject names Original: Nursing, Electrical engineering Suggested revision: nursing, electrical engineering Why it matters: These common-noun academic subjects should be lowercase within the list.
- 5. Fix subject capitals Original: Information Suggested revision: information Why it matters: Information technology is a common-noun subject, while English remains capitalised as a language name.
- 6. Lowercase subject names Original: Art history, Accountancy Suggested revision: art history, accountancy Why it matters: These common-noun academic subjects should be lowercase within the list.
- 7. Lowercase subject name Original: International Suggested revision: international Why it matters: International is part of a common-noun subject name here and should be lowercase.
- 8. Introduce exact list Original: fields like Suggested revision: the figures for Why it matters: The sentence gives the remaining exact categories, so an illustrative phrase is imprecise.
- 9. Use data verb Original: had 60%,60% and58% Suggested revision: stood at 60%, 60% and 58% Why it matters: Stood at is the appropriate grammatical structure for reporting percentages.
- 10. Use direct group topic Original: On the other hand, International students Suggested revision: International students Why it matters: A direct topic phrase is clearer because the paragraph changes groups rather than presenting a binary argument.
- 11. Report percentages precisely Original: numbers Suggested revision: percentages Why it matters: The vertical scale reports percentages rather than student counts.
- 12. Use natural comparison Original: the same 78% Suggested revision: the same percentage Why it matters: The same percentage is the more natural phrasing before the comparison with UK students.
Suggested Rewrites
- ratio of second class degree holders percentage of students gaining second-class degrees or better
- a known university a major UK university
- between the UK and international scholars for UK and international students
- Nursing, Electrical engineering nursing, electrical engineering
- Information information
- Art history, Accountancy art history, accountancy
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response reports almost every subject accurately and makes useful direct comparisons, making its detailed coverage the strongest feature. The overview is awkward and does not clearly summarise the overall distribution, while recurring agreement and sentence-structure errors reduce precision. Prioritise a concise overview stating where each group leads or ties, then edit clauses for complete grammatical agreement and clearer percentage comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main data are covered accurately and relevant comparisons are made, although the overview communicates the overall pattern only partially.
Summarise that UK students lead in four subjects, international students in two, and the groups are equal in two.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided by student group and progression is clear, though the linking is somewhat mechanical and some long sentences are overloaded.
Group subjects by shared comparison patterns and use shorter sentences instead of relying on on the one hand and on the other hand.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of task vocabulary, but several choices such as ratio, numbers, and excelled are imprecise for percentages.
Use precise comparative language such as percentage, proportion, exceeded, and was higher than throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-construction errors recur noticeably.
Correct structures such as sociology and English literature both had 68 percent and ensure every comparison has a clear subject and verb.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University in 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.