The graph compares the percentage of international and the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University in 2009.
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Sample Response
The graph describes the percentage of students gaining second-class degrees or betterratio of second class degree holders in a major UK universitya known university in 2009 for UK and international studentsbetween the UK and international scholars in eight fields, namely nursing, electrical engineeringNursing, Electrical engineering, informationInformation technology, English literature, art history, accountancyArt history, Accountancy, internationalInternational law and sociology. Overall, it could be seen that international students excelled more in information technology, whereas in sociology, the UK students had the highest percentage and lowest between the two in international law.
On the one hand, students from the United Kingdom had the highest number of second class degree holders in art history and sociology with 80% each, and nursing was about 78%, three-quarters of the students excelled in English literature, 70% in international law. However, the figures forfields like electrical engineering, accountancy and information technology stood at 60%, 60% and 58%had 60%,60% and58% respectively.
International studentsOn the other hand, International students had higher percentagesnumbers than their counterparts in information technology (84%) and electrical engineering (80%). They had the same percentagethe same 78% as UK students in nursing. Art history (70%), sociology and English literature both stood atare both had 68%; moreover, accountancy and international law had the lowest Second class holder with 60% and 48%, respectively.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response reports almost every subject accurately and makes useful direct comparisons, making its detailed coverage the strongest feature. The overview is awkward and does not clearly summarise the overall distribution, while recurring agreement and sentence-structure errors reduce precision. Prioritise a concise overview stating where each group leads or ties, then edit clauses for complete grammatical agreement and clearer percentage comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main data are covered accurately and relevant comparisons are made, although the overview communicates the overall pattern only partially.
Summarise that UK students lead in four subjects, international students in two, and the groups are equal in two.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided by student group and progression is clear, though the linking is somewhat mechanical and some long sentences are overloaded.
Group subjects by shared comparison patterns and use shorter sentences instead of relying on on the one hand and on the other hand.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of task vocabulary, but several choices such as ratio, numbers, and excelled are imprecise for percentages.
Use precise comparative language such as percentage, proportion, exceeded, and was higher than throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-construction errors recur noticeably.
Correct structures such as sociology and English literature both had 68 percent and ensure every comparison has a clear subject and verb.